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Welcome To Reality

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There are certain points in life where you think you should be somewhere by that time but you're not.  Women in their late 20's thinking they should be married, everyone in their 30's thinking they should be at their most successful point in their careers...
We set unrealistic time limits to our goals and dreams without understanding that life throws many unexpected curve balls along the way.  


I fell stupidly in love when I was 21 and dropped out of college during my very final semester.  Not because my partner discouraged me from attending school (he indirectly did) but because I was afraid that if I didn't move quickly with him, that I would lose him. And there went my plans for the future. 
People I know had children early on in life and ended up doing things backwards, leaving them in limbo in their careers and feeling that they were too old to follow through with the plans they set out for themselves, settling for mediocre lives. 
I cannot tell you how many time…

The Rush

There's so much I want to get done right now that I have to remind myself that I have time.
That there's no need to rush because time is an illusion that we are rewarded with.

I really had to do this today as I started rushing through the next phase in my life and realized that no matter how anxious I feel, I have to do things right this time.
In every single aspect.

I've learned that rushing through my decisions only lands me in dire straights.
One thing at a time.
Start one project and then move on to the next once that's completed.

It's harder to slow down when you're on your own in a sense.
There's no real cushion to fall back on outside of reality.
And staying focused is hard in a world of blur.

But once you throw your glasses on and everything becomes a bit clearer, it's easier to get things done the right way.

You just have to slow down.

Stolen Identity

Have you ever been in a relationship that made you questions your values? Your morals? Your likes? Dislikes?
Have you ever seen yourself totally transform everything about yourself from the beginning of a relationship through the end? or simply within a year?

Maybe you had one view on politics and suddenly found yourself supporting the opposite party by the influence of the nonsense your significant other has spewed?

Or perhaps, it was a different type of change.
Maybe you were straight up into the hip hop scene and suddenly became a grunge hipster?

I've seen this happen so often.
People go into a relationship one way and then all of a sudden their thoughts or beliefs have changed based on the person they're having sex with.
It's really that simple.
An orgasm can really make you see things differently.

Think about it.

Maybe there's a change in shows you watch.
Or you've probably stopped watching tv altogether because your partner thinks television is damaging.
It p…

Give Them Something To Talk About

I used to care about other people's thoughts and opinions about me and I think once I hit 26, 27, that all stopped.

I'd been paying rent, utilities and other bills and realized that these people weren't helping me, so therefore, nothing they did or said mattered to me.
It's very easy to write people off because at the end of the day, if those people aren't making any valid efforts to come through as the friends and the family they portray themselves to be, then why keep them around?

See... I was once that girl that always came through for people's events, no matter the cost, the anxiety, the difficulty of making it.
I was always the one who called and sent a gift and just followed through.
But when I realized that as you get older, priorities change for everyone, and you're no longer of any importance to certain individuals nor are they to you, I just stopped.

Their presence wasn't making a difference in my life, so why would their absence?

I don'…

The Interchangeables

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To be self aware is to be conscious of your own characteristics and feelings.



I'm confident that I'm self aware.
I'm 100% in tune with my short comings and I own every single one.
Every year, I look at myself and my life and try to mentally evaluate where I should be and what I can do to improve myself in order to get there.
I find myself to be a constant work in progress and believe that there will never come a day where I won't be.



That's why I most certainly find it incredibly frustrating when those who preach self awareness the most, are no where near actually being self aware.

Have you ever watched someone sabotage their friendships and looked on as you thought to yourself... "This is why you're down to nothing...." or "This is why so-and-so stopped talking to you...."

I see this entirely way too much.

See.... I have what I consider a circle of about 5 friends. 
One of those friends I've known since I was 13 and we've had ups and…

Plastic Humans

Human beings disgust me.

Every dirt bag from #45 to a little old lady who claims she birthed my mother to ex boyfriends who simply won't leave me alone long enough to let me live my life but instead choose to just drive me insane.

I wish no one ill will.
Not one person.
Have I wished karma upon every loser who has walked the earth?
Absolutely.
I also wish karma upon those who do good in the world.

But boy am I finally done with plastic humans.

How can people live with themselves knowing they tortured their children, yet have the audacity to depend on them when they're old and frail? Or treat their grandchildren like the black sheep of the family, yet continue to ask for favors?

How can people do things to others and feel no remorse at all?

This year, I have to do everything I can to let go and release anyone or anything that makes me feel anger, resentment and just ignore those who again and again do their mightiest to resurface into my life.

It's time to let go of them on…

Snowy Thoughts

3 weeks worth of bronchitis.  We are now entering the 4th week.  But, hey, at least it’s not pneumonia or heart failure.  Not yet, anyway!
It’s funny when you get sick or you lose someone or something big happens to you... it becomes clear who is who in your life. And who is nothing at all. 
I haven’t had much to write about lately because I’m trying to stay away from feeding egos or offending the few friends, I do have. It’s always easier to just speak my mind, anyway. 
These days in stewing in my phlegm (i realize how gross that sounds) has left me home bound for a week, doctor’s orders and has given me much to think about. 
I’m always grateful for the things I do have. As little as they may be. And those who are in my life as much as they may drive me nuts at times. 
But I’m always forever grateful for those who have chosen to leave. Because had they not, who knows the stress that would await me on the other side of that door? 
Moving forward, I’m leaving much behind this time around. Rathe…