The biggest problem with dating and relationships is that many people are not transparent right up front.

They like to play the guessing game.
A guessing game that can be very dangerous with many questions answered with "I don't know yet," or "Maybe"s.  
The problem is that if you truly don't want something, and the person you are pursuing does, then you are leading them to think you do or that you may change your mind and end up totally fucking up their plans.
You can't be a "go with the flow" person on every subject.
You've gotta have some direction.

If you have children and you're afraid that the other person will run away screaming, then clearly that person is not for you unless you're a deadbeat parent who doesn't really engage with your children anyway. But even then, say so.  And in that case in which you are a deadbeat, then there's clearly something wrong with you and the person  you're dating anyway.. so bas…

A New Generation of Love

As I was getting my mani/pedi the other day, I was watching the entertainment news on their flat screen regarding how Janet Jackson has filed for divorce from her billionaire husband after giving birth to his one and only heir.  An older woman next to me started ranting about how people generally don't take relationships seriously anymore and how she and her husband have been together for 40+ years.  My cynical side immediately thought, how many times have you put up with his cheating to survive 40 years of marriage?  Of course, all I did was nod and smile. J laughs at me when I tell him about my inappropriate thoughts in the midst of conversation. I know he'll miss that about me someday. 

Look, I'm not saying that love and marriage like that can't last. I'm positive if my mother had stayed with her high school sweetheart, I would've had a different last name right now. Unfortunately, that's not how things went down. And in thinking about why there are so ma…

Be Your Own Guide

My unsolicited advice today is simply to.... STOP TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S ADVICE!

The words of those false prophets.... the ones who are constantly spewing out gibberish that sounds right but doesn't feel right. Those same people who've remained stagnant throughout the years. Those who have not grown or evolved but instead continue to regress in their behaviors and patterns, never going anywhere or really doing anything... never fulfilling their hopes, dreams, goals.....

Stop listening to them. They have no idea what they're doing by spreading their ignorance. The damage they are causing to the public claiming some higher being is speaking through them......Using them as the vessel.  Please!
Why can't YOU be your own vessel to life decisions, opinions and subjects that actually matter? If you cannot trust yourself to form your own judgments, when you should know yourself best, then what makes you think it's a good idea to let an outsider do so?

Be your own guide. Pred…

Beware of Projectors

As it goes, in my short life, I've noticed that the most popular defense mechanism people use is projection.  Projection is the misattribution of an individual's ugly thoughts, feelings or impulses upon another individual who is not experiencing these same thoughts, feelings or impulses (McLeon, 2009).  It is used when the thoughts may seem unacceptable for the person to express.  That individual may simply feel uncomfortable having these thoughts or feelings.  What happens is the individual lacks insight into their own motivations and feelings (McLeod, 2009).  

Have you ever been in an argument with an unreasonable and incredibly stupid person who keeps calling you the very things you know they are but won't admit to being?  That is projection.   I recall a time some years ago, in which an individual couldn't trust me because I'd found out their ugly little secret (not only ugly but continues to this day).  I recall laughing in their face because everything they&#…

Mind - FULL

I think the hardest skill to perfect is how to be "mindful."
We spend so much time living in our thoughts of past and future that we forget to be present.
Between work, school and life events, living in the moment is incredibly difficult to do.

Moments of happiness pass us by because we're too worried about what's going on around us or what might follow, that we don't just sit down and enjoy it.

While our goals and our dreams are certainly important to pursue for the welfare of our futures, enjoying the very second that we are living in, is just as important.

How many of you have ever looked back at a gathering you've hosted and have heard stories of how much fun your family and friends have had while you were running around serving everyone? cleaning up after everyone? etc?

Do you remember sitting down and enjoying any part of that gathering with anyone?  Just taking a moment and looking around or sitting down and sharing a drink with your guests?

We spen…


I have the absolute worst wanderlust ever right now.
All I can think about is going away on vacation somewhere.
I keep dreaming of tropical beaches, white sands, a warm sun, a fruity but strong drink with a corny, little, bright, toothpick umbrella...

And then....

I dream of green adventures across a country side...
Green beer with plenty of shots and boorish laughter around me in some random Irish pub in Dublin...
Rainbows and leprechauns...

And again...

I think of adventures in the swamps....
Riding up the bayou, listening to classic jazz...
Listening to stories of haunted cemeteries... vampires... witches...
Touring old plantations...
Taking in the beautiful mystic views...

All I have to do is close my eyes and start counting down.
All in due time.

Travel is my heart's delight.
It's what I do best under high levels of stress.
It's my escape from endless adult responsibilities.
When I travel, I feel like nothing is impossible and I'm free to do as I please with no r…

Alone in a Crowd

Today, Omar reminded me how alone we really are in this world.  Of course, she hadn't realized she'd done so.

My mother used to always tell me whenever I got down about how few friends or family I really had, "You were born alone and you will die alone.  Don't depend on anyone to stick around.  At the end of the day, you need to be happy with yourself and to hell with everyone else."

I started really understanding that in the last five years.
Sometimes I feel okay about it and, of course, other times, not so much.
Mostly because I'm a human being who longs for companionship in any form.

After her passing, while I always knew I was somewhat alone, I realized how much more so.
People show you every bit of their true colors when tragedy strikes.
Your relationships with family and/or friends either becomes stronger or non existent.
You either validate what you already knew or have revelations about things that were staring you in the face but you refused to …