Posts

Friends?

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Over my time transitioning from child to teen to young adult to mature adult, I've had a lot of experience in maintaining relationships and what it means to be a friend.



I can count the number of true friends on one hand and I can tell you that friendships totally outweigh romantic relationships by a landslide.  Friendships are what you rely on when those romantic relationships are no longer present AND when they're actually THRIVING. Because who can you lean on or take self care trips with, if not with your friends. Who can you celebrate your new relationship with if not your friends?



I've never been bothered by the small circle of friends I have or how easily interchangeable some of them have been.  I have one true friendship I've maintained for 23 years now and honestly, if that's the last friend I have, I'm good. She is one I've had through my highest of highs and lowest of lows.  She is supportive no matter how far fetched my ideas or situations have b…

Obligation

At the end of every calendar year, I tend to look back and reflect on the lessons I've learned and my plans for the future.  This morning, I realized that there wasn't much of anything new I've learned except the concept of "obligation."

It's the latest theme I've run across in the past couple of months.   An "obligation" as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound.  It is also known as a duty or commitment. 
In thinking about the lessons I've learned, I always look back and think about my mother's life and how themes affected her and in turn have affected me throughout the years.  Obligation was a huge theme in every step of the way.  My mother was abused in all ways as a child and teenager and even as an adult.  She was taken advantage of and used.  And everything that happened to her, only made her stronger.  Yet, she never held a grudge against ANYONE, inclu…

We Owe Them Nothing

Last night, I had a short and interesting conversation with a relative about a situation they're going through with an ex.

Rather than put her business out there, instead, I'm going to hone in on the advice I gave her and that I shared with someone else I deeply care about recently as well.

In this game of love and war, people come out bruised, hurt, emotionally and sometimes even physically scarred from the trauma of simply trying to meet on the same page with these people we fall into relationships with.  We share vital parts of our lives with them, including inter-familial struggles, financial hardships, and all of the ups and downs we encounter throughout.  When it ends, we have to figure out a way to navigate without these people who were once such an important part of our life.  It's simply what happens.

After we've dealt with our hurt and pain, the barriers present themselves when we still have some sort of emotional or physical tie to them...such as a child or …

The Holidays

After one hell of a mission.... last week, I had a lovely Thanksgiving with the ones I love the most.
Of course, there were people missing to make it absolutely perfect, but one day, I hope to host my own in my own home with EVERYONE I love so very much.

Thanksgiving to me, doesn't mean much of anything outside of just being grateful for what I have.
I totally get the whole idea that it's also a historical day of colonization when the Europeans took over, killed off a bunch of natives with their diseases and enslaved them. 
I am not ignorant to this at all and if anyone knows me, they know that I'm anti-colonization....
 (Que viva Boriken!!!! )
I'm also agnostic...so there's that.

However, when I think of Thanksgiving, I think my mom's juicy turkey (never ever dry)... I think of her pumpkin pies... her singing and dancing in the kitchen. 
Thanksgiving is representative of my short mom's presence here on earth and what a huge impact she was to me.
I miss her…

Strengthen & Grow OR Move On

I was having a conversation with someone the other day about what happens after a couple of weeks or months into a relationship and why.

We were talking about how some of the anticipation and excitement normally die down as people kind of settle into their roles.

Does anyone ever feel somewhat disappointed after this happens?
Ever think about what it is that makes this happen?

People get way too comfortable and secure.
People stop doing the things they did to get the other person to fall for them.
And they just chill thinking it's okay to completely fall off.
Things become boring and routine sometimes and predictable.

Those phone calls or texts you received regularly stop.
Instead of hearing from them every morning, you hear from them whenever they seem to have time for you.
And then conflict comes into play with explanations about how busy they suddenly become even though the first two weeks, they never seemed all that busy.
And if you're "always just so busy&q…

Unexpectedly

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I firmly believe that the very best things in life come unexpectedly.



Let's explore my theory.
I spent almost an entire year in search of a better job opportunity.
In the midst, I went through a random breakup and had one hell of a living situation that I am very glad to be out of and so is my poor spine. 

In mid January, I decided (with the help of my sister and a goat I once knew) to let go of a rental home I had in Pennsylvania because it was serving me no purpose but an additional bill. 
Thankfully, Omar was generous enough to allow me to continue to crash with her while I figured my life out and prioritized what was most important.



I decided to focus on getting a job that not only honored my Master's degree but also gave me a bit of freedom and flexibility to grow both personally and professionally.
After a disappointing let down to a job I was almost sure I attained, out of the woodworks, I had an interview and received a job offer for the exact thing I needed at t…

Distractions/Reminders

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I believe that person who crawled under my skin and snuck their way into my feelings and very nearly succeeded in hooking me, came to me as a lesson... or a reminder.



I have been on this one track lately about how the only thing I need to be focusing on these days is me.  And I've had a plan that I've been sticking to.
I started with pursuing an actual career... and now I am going after another very big goal while working still hustling on the side.

I almost allowed myself to get sidetracked by an unnecessary distraction.
Why?
Because I thought I needed to fix something that didn't need fixing at all.
And because something about this distraction woke something up in me that's been sleeping for 3 years.

What I needed to do was sincerely apologize one for my previous behaviors - which I did - and keep it moving. 
What I actually did, was apologize more than once regarding my previous behaviors and lingered to see what would happen.

This, while knowing in my heart that th…