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Showing posts from 2012

Thirsty?

I have a new addiction - Catfish: The TV Show.
It is absolutely terrible.  I start watching and from the moment I turn it on, I'm cringing until the moment the episode ends.
It raises so many questions and judgments. (At least I'm admitting to it)
I don't judge people who meet over websites designed specifically for dating (i.e. eharmony, match.com, etc.) because there's usually some sort of screening process people have to engage in and they eventually are expected to meet.  Also, I know many people who have married people they've met through dating networks.  The entire purpose of dating sites are to find the person you're "destined" to be with.
However, I have to question the judgment of those who fall in love over social networks without ever meeting one another or doing a thorough background check on that person.  The world is just way too crazy and dangerous to just let yourself go that way.

It makes me wonder, how many of you out there have ev…

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

“I cannot conceive of a greater loss than the loss of one's self-respect.” ~ Gandhi

Respect -1-a : to consider worthy of high regard : esteem
                   b: to refrain from interfering with <please respect their privacy>                 2-   : to have reference to :concern Today, one of my favorite friends referenced the word "respect" when I vented to her in a billion texts regarding a "small" incident that occurred.....  Her response was and I quote, "....they need to fucking respect...you know..."  Yeah... it was simple but deep lol. Respect, to me, is such an important part of any relationship with anyone...friend, lover...even foe.  If it weren't a deal breaker than the great diva, Aretha Franklin, wouldn't have sang a hit song about it.  It's right up there in the top 5 requirements in a "potential" partner for me along with, "excellent personal hygiene," "honesty," "loyalty," and &qu…

Insecure Women and the Men That Date Them

How weak does your partner have to be before you decide you need to step into an already tense situation and fight a war for them?
If a man has already squashed a problem, then there should never be any reason for his partner to get involved.  It's handled.  There's no need to further inflate the problem, right?  Or do you find him incapable?

Or is it merely your own insecurity that induces this need?

How secure does your relationship need to be in order for you to allow yourself to relax while your partner handles their own problems?

What causes a someone to investigate their partner's social network page to see if there's anything suspicious about their behavior?

If he's done his dirt in the past, well, guess what, honey! It's likely he'll do it again and that's just something you have to either tolerate or move away from.  Those are really the only logical choices you have.

If they've never done anything to betray your trust in the past, what ex…

Seek and Ye Shall Find

A hard lesson I've learned over the past couple of years is that if you look for something, you will find it.

Call it instinct... call it intuition.... But in the end, call it what it is... SNOOPING!

A bad habit many of us have is stalking our significant others via social networks... looking through their electronics...breaking into emails,  etc.
Whether we choose to admit it or not, each of us is guilty of at least one of these things at least one time in our lives. 
I'm sure we all have stories of how badly THAT ended...

It's true, you may have "found" something you sort of knew was there.
However, if your instinct told you that it was there, then maybe you should be re-evaluating your relationship or lack of a relationship with that person.  That should be enough to set off the red flags.

And what exactly are you looking for?
Evidence of what? Don't you know that this is just a form of "Self Sabotage"?


Let me tell you what happens when you snoop.

Music For the Soul

Have you ever heard that one song that reminds you of that one person you can never get out of your skin?
Or a place you've been to? Or an experience you've had?

The person can be "newer" so to speak... Or someone from the past...
It can be a song that wasn't even around when you spent time with that individual.
And that person can be anyone... a past love, a current love, a sibling, an old friend... even an old teacher.
The place can be anywhere and the time can be 20 years ago or 2 days ago...
The result is the same..  You are taken somewhere else entirely and experiencing something surreal.

Every time I hear Shai's "If I Ever Fall In Love..." I think of being 12 and swearing I knew exactly what love was and how it felt to be immersed in it... Little did I know I had noooo idea about anything even remotely related to that feeling...

Or "Heal the World" by the King of Pop and my 6th grade graduation...and how many times we had to practi…

Don't Rush! Take Your Time

"There's time enough but none to spare...."

When I want something, I usually want it right away.
My patience is very limited.
If I'm given dates, and things haven't taken place by those dates, I will make things happen or I will give up and move on to the next thing.
I must get what I want when I want it.
Even if it means jumping through hoops surrounded by fires and deadly spikes.

In the past two weeks, I've had one of my friends tell me to stop trying to rush things and take my time.
I guess I was finally getting on her nerves with my anxiety and depression because I needed things to just happen... NOW.
As an outsider, she saw what I was doing to myself and could probably see what the outcome would've been if I continued on this self destructive path.
And just this weekend I had another friend tell me it was better that things are taken slow....

When two people who don't know one another give me the same advice - more or less - I tend to take th…

Socially Unacceptable

About two months ago, I had a reunion with an old friend.
We caught up a bit and got around to discussing why we stopped talking in the first place.
It was a semi-drunken conversation but one I happen to remember clearly.  Obviously, there were certain aspects of the conversation that I still think about. 
During this "enlightening" conversation, we somehow got around to talking about why he made certain decisions that have greatly impacted his life... 

He threw me off with his answer...
"At the time, I was trying to follow social standards and I chose what was socially acceptable..."
I'm sure there was more but that's pretty much the gist of it... 
O_o.... 
That was my face after I started thinking about it..... What makes something or someone "socially acceptable"?  And in the end..... who pays your bills? Your friends?  
If your social connections are the reason that you've made the decisions you've made throughout your life, what …

Karma

What goes around, comes around....

Today, I am here to reassure everyone out there that everything that's ever been done to you will eventually go right back to the person who wronged you. And better yet! It will be worse!
I promise you!!!!

And while you sit around getting yourself upset about how you haven't seen it yet... I'm sorry guys! We don't always get the joy of seeing it but I also promise that you will get the joy of finding out at the very least.

When someone hurts, angers or deceives you in some way and they're aware of it and what they've done wrong - meaning, they intended what they did to you... it comes right back to them and it hurts them worse than it hurt you when it came around your way.

It's a vicious but very necessary cycle.

You sit around thinking, they will NEVER get theirs... and you start to doubt that karma doesn't exist because how can such a cruel and spiteful person be soooo happy?
And this picture is drawn for you and t…

Secret Agent Man

Are you currently dating or thinking about dating someone who constantly makes up excuses as to why they can't...____fill in the blank____?

Do they constantly tell you things like... "There's so much going on right now but eventually, I'll tell you all about it," or "One day you'll see the big picture but I have so much planned..." or "I'm on a mission, so things will work out...just wait"

Well, I'm here to tell you...
It's all bullshit.
Every bit of it.

The person telling you this is someone who has absolutely no idea what he/she's doing or where's he/she's going.
This person has nothing planned because they are in a bad place and are just all around indecisive.
They tell you one thing and in the meantime, they may be telling person B, person C and person D all different plans and ideas in their head you've never even heard of before.

Ladies, stop yourselves.
Don't pass GO.
These are red flags.
Warnings tha…

All Grown Up

"Reaching maturity is not something you do with age but with experience."

I realized today that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can be immensely immature at any age.  
Okay, I didn't just realize this today.  It wasn't some type of epiphany.  I've known this for awhile.
However, it really just punched me in the face today, so to speak.

It doesn't matter how old a person is or how many times they've done something, if they don't learn anything from their mistakes, they'll never grow.  They'll never prosper and things will never ever change.
Not for them and not for anyone else involved.

I see people I love and care about sitting in these piles of shit, maggots and all, and not doing a damn thing about it until someone extends a hand to help lift them.  And once the person who's extended their hand walks away for one second, the one who needed the help in the first place plops right back down.  This time they're not only sitting in …

The Crazy Bitch

Nearly a month ago, I wrote an entry called "The Cool Chick"...
It was basically a summary of the struggle we women endure trying to stay cool when our potential mates or partners are acting shady...
Here is the link for your reference:

http://thealteregotracy.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-cool-chick.html

 Today, I decided to write a companion to that insightful post due to some recent developments.

So I was talking to a close friend today, and I was telling them that my patience has nearly run out on a certain situation.  I said, this is basically it.  It either will happen or it won't.
I have basically done everything I can not only to maintain my cool in an already heated situation but I've exhausted my patience.

My friend tells me that they would've flipped their shit already.
I said that while my emotions are telling me to tell someone to go fuck off, I have come to the logical conclusion that you can't possibly get upset with someone who is only potentially a…

Delusionally Confident

Last week I was having a conversation with my good friend/foster brother - we will call him... Mr. C.P. - over Facebook.  It was a rare occasion, however, work has been almost excruciatingly slow lately.

We were going back and forth about the evils of social networking.  
Sometime in the conversation (which became one of the funniest conversations I've ever had with someone via social networking about social networking), he stated that one of his biggest pet peeves regarding these websites is those people who are "delusionally confident."
He immediately went ahead to show me what he meant.   All of a sudden, I'm clicking on this link of some hot mess of a woman who has at least 200 photos in which she's making a duck face.  At first, I thought, maybe her face is always like this.  But as I clicked through I noticed there were at least 2-3 pictures in which she's actually smiling like most normal people do.  And perhaps, she wouldn't look so bad if she kn…

The Familiar

"The familiar has failed us," Omar stated.

Yes ma'am.  It certainly has.

"The Familiar" is a safety net.  One in which we run back to time and time again when shit gets real.
You embark on something brand new, and when you realize that it's just plain old scary to go ahead and try this new thing, you run right on back to what you already know.
What you don't realize is that this situation that you continue to run back to has fucked you over - up the ass sideways and with no vaseline at all.... perhaps, with a giant fist.

Look at where you are.  You are scrounging around for cash, sleeping on the floor and you are there because "The Familiar" helped put you there.  Why? because now it's easier to go right back.  I mean, why would you stay there and start from scratch when you can crawl back into bed with "The Familiar?" 

You have been there already many, many times and no matter how many times you tell yourself, "It's go…

The Evolution of Names

Have you ever noticed how we change people's names according to how we feel about them?

We start off referring to them formally by their actual name (or so we hope... I still have family members who refuse to learn how to pronounce MY name correctly)...

As we become comfortable with them we may just address them as "you"... as in "Hey you!"
If they remain platonic, we address them as "bro" or maybe "dude" ..."homie" (whether male or female cuz these days it's all relative).
If they remain platonic but become good friends, we may every once in a while refer to them as "hon," or sweetie.

If you become romantically/sexually interested in them, all of a sudden, it's "baby," "babe.."
And if they piss you off but you're still involved with them or interested in them, they may get downgraded to "bro.." just because they don't necessarily deserve anything more at the time.

Maybe if …

BANG BANG!!!!

Bang! Bang!! is a term my close friend "Omar" uses every time I shoot a guy down.  I'm not sure where she penned that from, however, it's quite clever and I encourage her to write a companion blog to go into it in further detail. *Hint hint*

It goes something like this...

I have one of my world famous "epiphanies" about how someone's no good for me because of something grand OR minute, and quickly she exclaims: Bang! Bang!!

It's usually a very specific person I've been talking about for several months now...however, we've been able to apply it to others as late.

This first happened one day after I explained that this person I'm interested in would rather spend money on partying all weekend when they could be doing something better with their money (like paying bills).... which by the way, in the end is none of my business, but then don't come to me complaining about how goddamn broke you are.  Priorities people! 

"Bang! Bang!!&…

The Cool Chick

Ever trying being the cool, laid back chick that doesn't really care what the person you are....let's just say "dating" to avoid specifics... is doing?  You're so cool that you're internally agonizing but on the outside you're holding your composure and smiling mysteriously as if you have NO cares in the world.

You play Text Tango with them and try doing your best to avoid Text Wars... and here it is, you're dying inside because you're like... where the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing?!?!?!

Well let me just say that being the "cool chick" is far more work than just being the neurotic one.  Because no matter how you look at it, you're still neurotic... you're just hiding it... and isn't that what psychopaths do?  So why bother?

While this person you are "dating" can hit you up randomly knowing full well that you're busy... I don't know maybe hosting a party....  and make you swoon over a text tha…

Victory

The real victory in any situation is knowing you've done everything possible to get to where you want to be. Knowing that you've tried and that you will continue to try everything in your power to overcome obstacles.
Doing it with your head held high, knowing that in the end, you will get exactly what you want because you kind of already have it.

It doesn't matter where you end up as long as you're satisfied with the result.
It doesn't matter what other people want for you, as long as you are where youwant to be.

What makes you happy?

You are only defeated when you've given up immediately. 
Or when you've only tried solutions that were probably never going to work in the first place, logically, and then you give up. 

Defeat is something we do to ourselves.  No one can win any challenge against us unless we allow them to. 

If you don't try, how will you ever know you've lost?
And if you don't already have it, you're not actually losing an…

Self Sabotage

Self Sabotage is what we do when things are going well for us and we look for a way to fuck it up because it's what we are used to.  It's a cycle we've created ourselves when being happy is simply too scary so we choose the familiarity of not feeling much of anything at all.

For instance, someone we care about is really trying hard to show us they care just as much in return and we jump to conclusions, look for reasons to fight with them, or - in some cases - we hold back our feelings while they are pouring their hearts out; meanwhile, risking the opportunity to be happy with them and make things work.

Self sabotage can also be related to our work, our dreams, our aspirations for the better... for the beyond... for whatever.  We have no obstacles and yet we make obstacles in order to make things more difficult for ourselves rather than just go for what we want.

We whine, we complain, we bitch about anything and everything but we take no action.
We focus on the inane, the u…

Commitment-Phobe: When Sh*t Gets Real

I've come to the conclusion that the term "commitment-phobe" applies to more than one scenario.

We all know the "commitment-phobe" that doesn't want to be in a relationship.  They shy away and practically run away screaming at the thought of being tied down to someone.  As if that's the worst thing that could ever happen to them.

However, a "commitment-phobe" can simply be a person who doesn't want to commit to anything at all - - as the phrase should automatically suggest.  Not just relationships but also promises they make but don't keep... things they say they'll do but will never follow through on...

I feel like this happens when they realize things are just about to get real.  

Maybe they've been leading someone on in a way to really make that person believe they care and just when they're about to give in, the "commitment-phobe" ends up running back to the past... to the "familiar"... because they&…

Text Tango 2: Text WARS

I feel it is necessary to add a second part.... sort of like a sequel if you will... to the Text Tango entry I wrote about two weeks ago.

A Text War can evolve from many different situations.

One instance in which a Text War occurs is when you've just completed a round of a Text Tango.
Here, you are pissed off that someone made you wait for some stupid ass answer filled with nonsense or nothing at all. Sometimes, the answer may not even relate to whatever the original conversation was about but you're still pissed off about the other party's inconsideration and decide to start an argument.
The argument starts with, "So I just wanted to let you know, you suck at life."
The other party responds, "???" because they're too inconsiderate to actually take two seconds to use their already established lazy ass fingers to at least write out a "WTF"...and you decide to point this out not so nicely.
Now they actually answer something significant lik…

Sleepover Etiquette

What do you do when you've slept over a companion's home?   What are the rules of one night stands and consistent trysts?  What is the proper "sleepover etiquette"?

Do you bring a toothbrush?  Do you bring a change of clothes?

What looks desperate and what seems natural?

These are the things that fly through our minds after the fact.  Before, we just act.  There's never too much thinking involved.  But once it's all said and done, what do you do?  Do you get dressed? Or do you wait?

It seems like this is really a lose lose situation.  If you lay around waiting to get dressed, you may get booted out of bed.... Literally.

If you jump out of bed and get dressed, you get a confused and at times slightly hurt look from the other person that pretty much says.. "W T F?!"  And then automatically, it's assumed you don't want anything further from the other party.

If you actually sleep over until the following day... do you pull out your toothbrush? I…

The Misconception of Affection

Why do people assume that women want or need to be cuddled after sex?

I feel like it's usually men who secretly want to cuddle and somehow they pawn it off on us women.  I, personally, am not huge on cuddling unless I'm cold and need some warming up.  And when I go to sleep, I prefer to stay on my side of the bed while the other person sleeps on the other side.  Not touching.  I don't like it when a leg is thrown over mine because it makes me feel trapped and I get hot at night so it's not exactly a turn on to wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, with a heavy arm wrapped around me and someone literally breathing down my neck

Cuddling, to me, is like foreplay.  Something that should take place before sex.  Not after. 

It's not that I'm entirely against non-sexual, physical affection, (I LOVE hugs), but just don't assume that after the deed is done, we all want to cuddle.  A good portion of us want the same things men want after sex.  To sle…

The Text Tango

Have you ever danced the Text Tango?

You know the one where you're waiting for someone to reply to a message you sent them but end up never receiving a response? Or you receive the response at the least expected time when you've basically thrown up your hands in surrender?

How do you dance the text tango?  It's quite simple really... Well, it's also quite complicated.

The texting tango starts when you've sent a simple text..... like a "hey you" and the other party immediately responds, "hey" right back leading you to think they're not that busy because they responded so quickly...

Then you're all, "how are you" or better yet, "what are you up to?"... and the other party doesn't respond as quickly taking about 5 minutes and finally responding with a "Oh I'm...blah blah blah..."

Then you go into this basic conversation that suddenly turns deep and interesting....
Maybe at this point you're reveali…

Let Go or Hold On?

The other night I made the best home made mojitos in the world and popped in a classic... Sex and the City: The Movie... Alcohol really does inspire the most interesting and thought provoking conversations....so does a good old fashioned chick flick...

During this awe inspiring theatrical performance, we learn our favorite main character ever, Carrie Bradshaw has waited 10 long years for the love of her life to pop the question.  That definitely simmered in my brain for a bit and started a storm of thoughts regarding how anyone could wait 10 years for anyone to pop any question.  Isn't 10 years too friggin' long? How much do you really have to love someone to be nonchalant about waiting 10 friggin' years for a proposal? Or are you just not interested in getting married?  I mean... that's okay... but 10 years???

This made me think about my own "romantic" history (or "unromantic" history if you will).  I can honestly say that I've been head over…

Get Naked and Be You

The other day, I was watching an episode of one my favorite shows in which one of the main characters is a clothing designer who is trying to start up a romance with a bartender.  She puts on this huge facade, shows him all of the fancy and expensive things she owns and all of the things she's able to do.  When the bartender finally got tired of the charade, he stopped her and says, "I could care less about your condo in NY, your clothing line or your new store.  I want to know the real you.  What's under the clothes, Brooke?"

So I find myself asking you all the same question.   At the end of the day when you get home from work/school/other daily routines, and you shed your clothes, what's left? What do you see?  Are you as you portray yourself to be on a day to day basis or are you an entirely different character?

Does your personality change daily? Do you become someone different when you wear different outfits?  Can you really say you are ALWAYS you regardles…

What Inspires You?

About a month ago, I returned from the most beautiful trip I've ever made.  The countries were gorgeous and the sites were surreal.  I've always wanted to move to the that part of the world but after the trip, I decided this was finally going to become a reality.

Well, having established this, I put a concrete plan into action.  Sometimes, we have to make sacrifices in life in order to get to where we need to get.  Guess what? I've made all the sacrifices necessary.  Now it's a matter of just doing.  And the less people know about what I'm doing or what I have planned the better. Announcing things I want to do is not the same as just putting those plans into action.

I find that grabbing inspiration from the happier aspects of life is more rewarding then being motivated by what angers or upsets you in some way.  It would be a shame if people in this world only let the debbie-downers and haters of the world motivate them.  Where is the satisfaction in that if that vo…

Attention Seekers

I've become very aware of my surroundings lately, both on and offline and I've come to notice that there are some people who are not satisfied with themselves unless they are complaining, judging or hyping up what they're doing to "drag people into haterness.." to then go back into the cycle of complaining that people are haters.

I just don't get it.

And how about those people who whine about how their lives are out of control and yet they're sitting on their fat asses playing Farmville and Yoville, when they could be using that time productively...annnnd by the way haterness is not qualified as being productive. 

I'm confused.

When did we become soooo lazy and unmotivated that the only way we choose to reach out to other humans is through social networking?  Even texting seems to be too much work.  No, instead we choose to announce things that should be kept personal to our 300+ "friends" and "followers."

You know what? You peopl…

Love IS Enough

Is love enough?

How do we know that what we're chasing with a particular person is a dream of love and not the reality of sharing the sentiment with someone we care about? 
I feel like so many people out there miss the point when it comes to showing people that we care about them. That simply telling someone over and over again that they are loved is not enough for them to really believe it and understand it.  
When will people understand that simple gestures such as buying their significant others flowers, or that simply wishing someone a safe flight when they're about to go on a long journey over seas are both enough for their loved ones to realize they care?

The problem lies in not showing ourselves enough love.  In the moment that we believe that we're not good enough for flowers, candy and well wishes, we subject ourselves to a bowl of disappointment, heartbreak and all sorts of things we don't deserve but believe we do.

When we start treating ourselves like the …

The Art of Marking Territories

We all know about marking territories.  Alpha male canines do it all the time when they try to pee on every single tree along their path.  Even the females partake in this art form.

But how about humans?  Do we pee on our territories?  Do we pee on other humans to make sure our scent sticks? 
It wasn't until a couple of months ago when my good friend and co-worker, brought it to my attention that that's EXACTLY what we humans do when we try to make our presence known to our "opponents" so to speak. 
Let me elaborate....  Back in November, I went to a friend's birthday party and ran into someone from the past.  Because this person was unsure of my status and saw me with my co-workers who weren't with their significant others, they made it a point to basically sit next to me and throw their arm over my shoulders, as if to say, "You're MINE!" The truth is that I was in a relationship with someone and this individual didn't have a chance in hel…

Superficial Men and the Women That Date Them

I believe there comes a point in your life where you start to open your eyes to what you truly want from a partner.  Unfortunately, there are still many of us that are looking for only superficial qualities.  In this case, the "us" I'm referring to are the superficial heterosexual males....

I hate to say this guys, but really, you can't be so picky when YOU are a fat, balding, 32 year old man with a lame ass job with nothing to call your very own.  If we, heterosexual females, can settle for a loser like you, then you shouldn't expect us to look perfect 100% of the time in every single area AND be completely sane.

I mean, you can go ahead and have your cake AND eat it... but you don't get to spit it out because we have one hair out of place today and tomorrow a broken nail and maybe the day after we're having an all around bad day in which we just want your presence and we're pissed because you're out playing video games with your like-wise baldi…

The Boss's Guide to Being the Ultimate Douche

If you're an adult in your mid-20's and up, you've probably had more jobs than you can count. I know I have a few under my belt. And no matter where you go, it's almost always the same thing. The boss is a douche.

The question becomes... where do these people with the power trips learn the art of being a douche bag? Is there a school somewhere that they secretly go to when they get that promotion to "supervisor"; "director"; "team leader"; or when they start their very own business and become "the owner"?

Here are a few rules I really believe must be in their douche bag guide:

1. Yell at your employees loud enough for the whole floor to hear you.
If you're employee has made an error such as a typo or their math was a digit or two off, make sure everyone knows it. It's the only way they'll learn never ever to do it again. Yell as loudly as possible. If the next floor up or down hears you, then you know you'v…

Ms. Vixen's Death

After a long, tiring evening working the ave... Ms. Vixen was standing by the train tracks waiting on her ride home... She'd been quietly reminiscing about the evening before with the usual sly and sneaky smirk on her masculine face.

As she wiped the sweat off of her hairless brow, she'd felt a shove.  Quite to her dismay she'd been standing so close to the tracks she fell in just when the train was coming.... The conductor, shocked at the scene, tried his best to stop the train, but it was too late....

As the train slowed over her body, tearing at her limbs.... the crowd gathered in hysterics.
It wasn't too long before the EMT workers arrived with a stretcher.

Ever so carefully, they managed to hold her body together, still in one piece, placing it on the stretcher but unfortunately, the body was very slippery as it oozed blood... and as they pulled the stretcher away from the tracks, Ms. Vixen fell right back in... Sadly, the conductor was advised to go as the coast …