The Familiar

"The familiar has failed us," Omar stated.

Yes ma'am.  It certainly has.

"The Familiar" is a safety net.  One in which we run back to time and time again when shit gets real.
You embark on something brand new, and when you realize that it's just plain old scary to go ahead and try this new thing, you run right on back to what you already know.
What you don't realize is that this situation that you continue to run back to has fucked you over - up the ass sideways and with no vaseline at all.... perhaps, with a giant fist.

Look at where you are.  You are scrounging around for cash, sleeping on the floor and you are there because "The Familiar" helped put you there.  Why? because now it's easier to go right back.  I mean, why would you stay there and start from scratch when you can crawl back into bed with "The Familiar?" 

You have been there already many, many times and no matter how many times you tell yourself, "It's going to work this time because I'm going to do it differently," it not only blows up in millions of pieces in your face, it also leaves another permanent scar that "the New" has to deal with.  Which is so rotten and unfair.  But such is life...unfair.

And you know what?  You are intelligent enough to know this will never ever work.  That it hasn't worked 9798980 times in the past and it will never ever work.  Whatever was there when you first started that made you believe it would work, is no longer there and will never ever be there again.

"The Familiar" is also something you continue to try over and over again because you just don't see how you are worth any more.  "The Familiar" is probably not even at your level.  You are probably soooo much better than this thing but you're too much of a coward to allow yourself to reap in the benefits of "the New."   "The New" is completely willing and able to move forward with you and bring you up to a level you never thought was possible.  "The New" is something that you feel you are "undeserving" of and you "self sabotage" this amazing opportunity to the point that "the New" may not ever be available to you again.  "The New" may even have given up on you indefinitely because now at this point, YOU are "The Familiar," and "The New" just realized they could do better.

Maybe the day you finally realize "the New" is no longer there to lift you up, will be the day you finally give up on "The Familiar." But now "the New" is gone and got tired of waiting so instead of picking up at a good place - which was once entirely possible - you have to now start from the very ground again.  Right back to sleeping on a floor with nothing or no one to call upon and now even "The Familiar" has moved on.

What a waste of time and what a shame you didn't value yourself to begin with.


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