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Showing posts from May, 2013

Instinct

Yesterday, I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.
I had to let go of someone that could've and, sort of has been, a huge part of my life in a very, very short period of time. When I look at the situation as a whole, I realize that I did the right thing.   I am in no place to date or start any sort of relationship.  I'm not ready.
I have yet to release all of the turmoil and negativity of relationships past.  Yes, I am in a better place, but not in the best place.
The problem was that I met someone who was just absolutely, consumingly beautiful. His aura was just breathtaking. However, he is certainly not where I would need him to be in order to pursue anything... and I'm apparently not there myself.  His options are beyond open and I'm not even sure how open I should be keeping mine. I can't trust myself to keep a friendship with someone I've already developed minimal feelings for.   Where I'm at, I need to just focus on me and heali…

Stone

Around this time last year, a person very close to me - who later became the biggest mistake of my life - told me that he was concerned that I had become "stone".  That I had no feelings, and that he was worried that nothing would ever affect me.  He went on to say that he wished he wasn't in the situation he was in so he could show me how fulfilling my life would be with him in it.

Needless to say, for those of you who know, that didn't turn out as lovely as he made it sound.

Thinking back, I wasn't "stone" at the time and had never truly been emotionless.  At the moment, I had just accepted the fact that I was single and that I'd have to just make adjustments in my life to enjoy my own company without relying on anyone else.  While we tell ourselves that many times when we're on our own, most of the time we're not truly there.  And that was one of those times that I was just trying to convince myself that I was.  Again, we all know how tha…