Love is Forever

I started writing this blog nearly a month ago when my favorite musician came over to keep me some company and told me that "Love is forever..." 

He said that once you fall in love, you love the person forever, and regardless of what happens you'll take the person back... and that if they really loved you, they would return because you only fall in love once and that's just the way it's supposed to be. 

Ah! such a hopeless, romantic full of light - that guy!!!

When I disagreed with him, set in the fact that I've loved not one but two men in my life and that I would never take either of them back, he replied that I've never truly been in love.  The conversation sort of lingered in my mind because..

(1)- this just means that this musician will never allow himself to feel anything for anyone again b/c he's set on this idea (stubborn)

....and....

(2)- I swore up and down that I would NEVER EVER take either one of these two past loves back.. NEVER!!!!

Ironically, about a week after this conversation, I encountered sort of a dry spell I'd been having with dudes (Samantha Mode on pause), and POOF! out of nowhere, the man I had loved the most in my life for the longest time in my life (20 years to be exact) popped up! Like magic! I never thought I'd hear from his sorry ass again.

At first, the only feeling I had was disbelief.  After all the pain that man put me through and all of his false (and not so false) accusations, he had the audacity to reach out to me.  How dare he?!?!?  Thankfully, he reached out just when I was calm and collected but here he was pissing me off and making me relive some parts of the hurt that I'd tried so hard and in so many ways to forget in such a very short period of time. 

All I wanted was bloody revenge!!!!
The sort of revenge that would make me smile with malicious glee inside and out, just knowing that he was suffering at least half as much as I had suffered.  But as the days went by, I noticed that I was softening.  And I thought about my beautiful musician friend and what he'd said.  When I realized that he was right (but only to a point - I don't think we only have the ability to fall in love once... I believe we can fall in love many times and when it's right, it's right, and that's that).... BUT he was right in the fact that if the timing was right and if things were to fall into place in some way, and both parties have something to offer one another; it wouldn't matter that this man put me through some emotional torture, I probably would, eventually, take him back. 

With that, I made the decision to evaluate what was going on... and I cut this so called "love of my life" off again.  This time on my terms.  And I must say it was one of the hardest things I've ever actually decided to do all on my own. 
Having to let him go again... breaks my heart just a little bit again... just when I'd finally repaired it...
I told my childhood love that he has too many issues to resolve and he had nothing to offer me but words; and until he has actions to offer instead, I would continue living my life as I have been for the past couple of months:

Single, fabulous and free!

The thing is, that ultimately, it won't matter how I was treated.. love is unconditional and the feeling will never expire.  But that doesn't mean, I'm a masochist. 


So while my musician friend was right in the fact that love is eternal and that it's possible to take someone back after extreme amounts of pain... that doesn't mean, we'll all choose to relive that pain for that person's own amusement.

Nor does it mean we are exactly meant to be with that particular person (in his case) or those particular people (in mine).

In order to move forward in life, romantic or otherwise, we must leave the past in the past....
Love may continue to live in us for others, but that doesn't mean love will stop there.
On the contrary, we are now aware of our capability to love and to extend that love to others and weed out the ones who don't deserve all the love we have to offer... even if it hurts for a little while.

Pain doesn't last forever... but love does.


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