Sucia Bitch

A sucia bitch is a term penned by my friend, Omar, after I told her about a situation that my ex-non-boyfriend was (is?) involved in.

A sucia bitch has many different definitions and descriptions.  I'm going to touch base on a few.  For those of you who don't know what "sucia" is, it is the spanish term for dirty.

Now a lot of you reading this right now are thinking, "Oh yeahhh, I know sucia bitches! Those are dirty hoes or ratchet chickens..."
But you are mistaken.
A sucia bitch is a term that is reserved for a DIRTY woman.  A woman who isn't taking proper care of her own personal hygiene and/or of that of her own offspring.

Let me give you a few examples.

I know of one particular sucia bitch who is about 40 years old.  Her house is infested with roaches and rodents and her 1008 children all have lice and pass it from head to head on a regular basis.  Now, before you say, "Oh but the poor thing  has a million kids..."  That is NO excuse.  The same way you can open up your legs to pop out 7 million kids, is the same way you can take a couple of hours in your week to tidy up your home and clean.  As a matter of fact, with all those damn kids, the older ones should know how to keep the place tidy and clean. 

And as for the lice infestation? It's called Nix.  Use it properly on everyone, clean the damn house and teach your kids that you don't use other people's brushes or play with other people's hair... and you should be set.

But no, a sucia bitch, will choose at such a late age, to live in filth.

A sucia bitch will probably also choose to get her nails done at a fungus riddled nail salon rather than pay for her daughter's meds when she's sick with a lung infection.  Or buy some dollar store hair dye to give herself some orange highlights rather than buying her son that winter coat he might need.

Gentlemen, you are currently asking yourself, "How do I know someone is a sucia bitch off the bat," right? It's quite obvious guys. If this woman is aware that you are sleeping with multiple other women AND is willing to give you oral in the dark without proof that you're disease free... she is probably a sucia bitch.  Now, do you really want to kiss that mouth not quite knowing where it was earlier that day?

Ladies, how do you prevent yourself from becoming a sucia bitch?  Shower daily - maybe sometimes more than once a day if it's hot out.  Make sure you are using soap in ALL areas of your body, with some warm water AND preferably a sponge or washcloth to make sure you actually remove the dirt from your skin.  Wash your hair as needed with the proper shampoo and conditioner.  Slap on some deodorant and maybe a spritz or two of body spray.  Tidy up around the house weekly.  I'm not saying your home should be spotless 24/7 if you have a job and miniature sucia bitches running around; I'm just saying your roommates shouldn't be able to multiply by the 100's on a daily basis... get the gist?

The moral of the story?

It's not too late to redeem yourself.  If you suffer from any of the above sucia bitch symptoms, you can jump into that shower now, and douse yourself in a bottle of bleach, followed by some soap and water.  And then you can use a bit of that same bleach to clean up around the house... followed by another shower (just to make sure you're squeaky clean). 

Or if you've realized after reading this that it's possible you're dating a sucia bitch, then you still have a chance to run like hell in the opposite direction!!!  And you should probably also jump into that shower immediately after with some bleach, followed by some soap and water.

Set an example for others (especially your offspring) by being a cleaner person; don't allow yourself to fall victim to something you can easily avoid.


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