To Cope... Or Not To Cope

I watched my friend tear up pictures of her ex the other day and I told her that I found it interesting how we all cope with common situations in different ways.



She asked me what I meant and I explained that I never throw pictures away.  That the only time I tear pictures up is when I know I have another copy somewhere.  Or when it's in the heat of the moment.  I just usually store them away until I forget I have them... by the time I see them again, whatever good or bad feelings associated with the pictures are gone.

It made me think that maybe my way of coping is not the best way to cope.
For me the loss of a loved one through a break up or through the death is absolutely devastating.
Even if just for a moment.

I thought back to a friend's death years back in which I decided it was a good idea to start dating the man she thought was so perfect for me... and how that ended up not so perfect.

Or how I've been taking some somewhat crazy risks (in my book anyway) since another friend passed away this past March at such a young age as well.




When I cope with a breakup it's usually strange...
If it's a break up with someone I really loved then the first week or so, my appetite dwindles to nothing.
I spent an entire summer 9 years ago living off of grilled cheese sandwiches, water and chocolate milk because I just didn't want to eat anything else.  I lost a ridiculous amount of weight... and anyone who knows me knows how much I love music but I couldn't even bare to turn the radio on... I slept maybe 4-5 hours a night if that... falling asleep at 2, 3am... and waking up at 7am just in time to watch Good Morning America.... And not once did I shed any tears... I was numb.

This last big break... I lost something like 10-15 lbs, cried from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed... at the office, at home.. in the shower...
I had to be "tricked" into eating... and when the depression turned into anger and vengeance, I pierced my nose, went on several random adventures... and chopped my  hair down as short as I could without shaving my head... short enough for me anyway....



I've watched friends of mine cope with breakups by over eating...
Sleeping with everyone they possibly could...
Holing themselves up in their homes for weeks, months even a year at a time... living like hermits...

At what point do we go overboard with our coping methods?

What is a "healthy" way to cope with a break up or with the loss of a loved one?
Is there a right way or a wrong way?
Is it realistic to expect people to meditate or go out every single night with friends to deal with situation?  

Comments

  1. We all deal differently with breakups and no one can say what is the “right” way to do it. We deal how we deal and we do what we have to do during our “brief moments of insanity”. ; ) I think that the most important thing is to never fall so deep that a depression takes over and we start devaluing our self worth. Most people come so far in morning this “death” even in the beginning but don’t notice it. We all know ourselves and if you ever think about it, deep down in our hearts most of the time we know the dog we are dealing with and we know that we have to one day take him to the ASPCA because it just isn't a good fit! lol

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