Showing posts from July, 2014

The Magic is in the Makeup

Today my coworker, Ruby, showed me a video of an average looking woman who went into glamorous mode by applying about a pound of makeup on her face.  Actually, truthfully, the woman was below average, but I figured I'd be polite, because I'm quite positive that there are a couple of someones out there that would find her quite beautiful without the makeup even if I don't.

(No. That's not the same woman but a good example none the less)

Ruby was surprised by such a drastic change and I, on the other hand, explained to her that make up works wonders and as usual with my "know it all" demeanor, I proceeded to show her some examples.  There's even a No Doubt song (hence the title of this post) that expresses how make up can give you a mask to wear in a tough situation.... cover up the dark circles from all of your sleepless nights... hide the blemishes... the scars... the bruises... every single imperfection.

I was never one to wear a lot of makeup.  I go thr…

Trapped In My Comfort Zone

I have this amazing soul sister, Samantha, that I'm truly grateful for.
Samantha and I have something in common in that, in the past year or two, we've decided to make some serious changes with our lives.  And we did.  No need to put her business out there, but as you know in my case, I started to dip my toes into different life experiences in order to broaden my horizons and maybe find the path I'm supposed to be on.

She really has no idea how her own experiences reflect my own and make me really re-evaluate my life in order to make proper life decisions.  Even if momentary.
On the downside, she and I have also sort of became just a little less ambitious during the past rough winter we had and I think we're back on our introverted/super shy... "OMG I can't do this.." status.   Last week she mentioned a possible adventure that she has the opportunity to embark on and as usual, I was all "YES! Go for it!"  I'm pretty sure that while making …

The Healer

I woke up today and promised myself that today would be amazing. It didn't take long for me to break that promise.
I saw something that I wish I could un-see.
It led to a really dark, depressing thought on my way home while holding on to this image in my head.
As is my nature, I guess.
After some deliberation...  I thought... what if my sole purpose in life is to heal others?
What IF I'm supposed to soak up everyone's else pain so that they can be happy, and free, confident and just all around amazing because I can somewhat tolerate what they can't?
What if... I'm here to make everyone else feel better about themselves and only for that reason? A job like that is NEVER ever done.. which means I have another 50+ years of this.
Isn't that awful? Because after that thought, what follows is, what about MY pain? I always manage to find a way to overcome the worst of it, but there's always something that tends to linger. Something that holds me back from being a…

The Man on the Bus

On a typical summer day in NYC... taking public transportation is like... well, kind of like watching a show take place.  There's always either a performance with solicitors looking for handouts... or a performance involving those who like to cause scene.

I don't usually mind taking the train or bus, unless it's one of those particular hellish times where everyone is basically standing up against one another (sometimes even unnecessarily).... or there are those times throughout the school year where you're stuck on the train with a bunch of teenagers you know are up to no good.  I'm always watching out for the quiet ones who are conveniently on their phones because usually they're filming something and I'm just waiting for the day they make me famous on a social network for something absurd.

In any case, I had quite the interesting ride the other day.  I take the bus to work in the mornings.  On most days it takes about 5-10 mins to wait until the bus drive…


The moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.
Funny how a quote like that can get your wheels turning and give you an interesting way to start your day.  These past couple of days have been an  intense emotional roller coaster for me, and I'm not sure why.  Nothing in particular has happened but my feelings have decided to take over my life for a little bit, apparently.  It's funny really because I wear this stoic mask of calm and underneath everything there are all these waves... tears waiting to pour... hysterical fits of laughter waiting to burst...  Stranger yet is how placid my mind is at these times.  Because logically there's no valid reason for me to feel like this.
And when I'm asked what is on my mind I can honestly say nothing.  Because if I allow myself to think, it won't be pretty.  And nothing will turn into everything... Everything will be in my mind all at once. And when those closest to me, insist that I need to think about placing…

I Am Me

My heart hurt a little today thinking about a conversation that took place recently.  Actually, it hurt a lot.  I felt my eyes water and my soul sadden.... I thought about the choices I've made in my life based on the way I've felt about things, people, situations.  The fact that I can't say that I've made any good choices, other than going back to school and moving to NY instead of moving to FL.... That's about the extent of my "good" choices.

That feeling, however, was brief.
The thing is, even if I were to go back and do things all over again, there aren't many things I would change.  Because whenever I made a bad decision, it was coming from a good place.  I don't regret how much I loved even though I hurt much, much more.  I don't regret how much I gave, even though I lost nearly everything.  And it's not because it's a lesson learned.  But because, even if I'm  not acknowledged, I know if it hadn't been for the choices I …

Froggy Fridays: The Drunk Frog

It so happens that a week after the entire Marine Frog Incident came to a full close, I had a birthday event to attend at Gonzalez y Gonzalez (latin restaurant/club/bar).  A ladies night.  No men allowed.

"Omar" and I were at the spot first just sipping on some mojitos.  After the week I had, I needed several drinks to really enjoy my night.  I'm sipping on my second drink of the night... not as strong as my first... and out of the corner of my eye, I see some dude, with a denim/American Flag shirt on... canvas socks... scoping the place out for prey.  I noticed him passing by more than once, noting perhaps, that Omar and I were there without men.  He approaches me and asks me to dance.  My response was exactly this, "I will definitely dance with you after this drink right here...."

He moves on to Omar and asks her to dance instead.  Omar accepts and hands me her clutch and dances for a second.  The entire time they dance, homie with the  American F…

The Extra

Why do people put so much energy into something when what they want at the end of the day is the absolute minimal?

I started talking to this one person not too long ago.  He went out of his way to tell me what an "amazing" person he was.  We went out, had a nice time.  He said he was interested.  We made plans to meet again on a Sunday.  He cancelled on me stating that he had gone away for the weekend, and had intentions of driving back on Sunday and would be tired.  But here it is, that Saturday night, he hits me up in the evening stating he just came back from where he had been.... Okay.  I decided not to address the situation.  I decided that maybe he would just be tired that Sunday, even though my instinct told me there was something off with this guy.

So we made plans for another weekday... a Thursday.  We went out for drinks, had a nice time.  Talked about far fetched things like going on a vacation.  The entire time, I'm thinking (yeah right that's not gonna h…

Personal Legend

In the last two months, I've been faced with many challenges. Both internal and external. This last week was especially rough. I've actually been pushed to the point of losing some of my sanity if not all. Some of you reading this may be laughing to yourselves because you know I barely had any sanity left to begin with.For the first time in a long time, I had a moment in which I felt alone in a way I have never felt. A moment in which it was either do or die... make a decision or have a nervous breakdown and I think this may be what I needed regardless of how difficult it has been. I remember having a conversation with the long lost musician regarding my personal legend and how I had no idea what the hell it was. His response was that the answer was in my writing. He said that all the answers I was looking for were all in my writings. I thought he was just fucking with me to be honest. He had a way with riddles that was excruciating.  After all of that, I finally see what he w…