Experiencing People

I had a small epiphany today.
Actually, I stole the epiphany from Omar.
During one of our good ole inebriated conversations, I expressed the desire to investigate some information.
She asked me why I even wanted to do that to myself and I really had no answer other than, I'm nosey.
See, my investigations always lead to headaches, heartbreak, stress.... severely emotional roller coasters I'd much rather not engage in.  Actually, this week was full of those based on some smaller discoveries made without being in full on investigation mode.

She told me a story regarding a situation in which someone who is currently a "good" person, was once not so good.  And advised that, that the viewpoint of anyone that person was involved with in the past, would be  an entirely different from her viewpoint based on the fact that every human relationship whether friendly or romantic relies upon how people interact with one another.

Are you lost?  In other words, say, John and Jane are in a relationship.  Jane treats John indifferently, giving him no respect and does what she can to make him feel like less of a man.  John's reaction to Jane is to get respect, affection and attention from someone else.  Clearly, Jane's viewpoint is that John is a cheating, lying sack of shit.  However, John could've very well been loyal to Jane until he emotionally and mentally couldn't take it anymore.  I'll even go as far as to say, maybe John had never cheated a day in his life on anyone else and it was Jane who brought that side out of him.  I'm not excusing his behavior.  The right thing for him to have done was to leave her ass.  But when feelings are involved, people never truly do what's right.  They just go with what they feel.

Omar's point was, my curiosity would lead to nowhere good because at the end of the day, I can't base the way I feel and think on someone else's experiences.

Today, I confirmed it.  She's more than right on this one.

I realized that what i'm most concerned about can never ever be based on someone else's story or past.  My experience with someone versus yours is based on where we are currently in our lives.  Let's take me for one.  Out of all the men I've dated, I only know one - The Lowest of Them All - who views me as a psycho bitch.  I always laugh when I think about that one.  His reasons behind that are absolutely hilarious.  He has some reason to think I was a little crazy but again, I only reacted to his behavior towards me and because I couldn't do anything worse than act a little nutty.  I still laugh to myself when I think about the stupid shit I did to annoy him during that last month.  Meanwhile, his "baby momma" must see him as some prize won in a shit fest carnival since she still puts up with his excessive philandering.

Now, regarding Mr. F's experience with me, his viewpoint was that I was emotionally abusive towards him. He said I hurt his feelings often and betrayed him (not sure how exactly... still trying to figure that one out).  So very ironic considering the extremities he put me through.  Now he is happily married, and I'm sure his wife doesn't see him for the cheating, lying, mentally unstable, mooching manipulator I once saw him as... well.... still do.

And finally, how about my old friend who referred to me as an energy sucking vampire.  When it was she who constantly reached out to me several times a day with her emotions and comparing them to whatever it was I was confiding in her.  Then referring to me as fake because I rekindled a friendship with someone who is always in and out of my life without making an effort to find out why. Now, out of all the people I've ever known in my life... no matter how they view me, I can honestly say she and her delusional comrade are the only people who have ever accused me of being fake.  With that all said, I know for a fact, she is viewed as a wonderful friend by others due to her experiences with them.  While she may see me as a disloyal friend, the worst I can say about her is that she's needy.  But then again, who isn't?

Which proves my point on how we all experience people differently depending on how we react to their behavior and how they react to ours.  And after making a small discovery today, it truly hit home how true that was.  I'm usually really good at seeing right through people.  Regardless of how hard they try to hide their true selves from me, my instinct always screams to be heard.  In this case, and as cautious as I'm trying to be, I'm pretty sure that I don't need anyone telling me just what kind of people I'm dealing with.   If this or that person is bad news, I'll find out the hardest way possible.  That's just life.  I certainly won't find out by any other means.

It doesn't matter what information I derive from other sources.  It is my own experience that will determine how a situation will play itself out.  Lesson learned.












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