Scars

One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to meeting the new, is allowing the old affect the way we engage with the new.

While our pasts give us some valuable lessons, that shouldn't change the way we look at the world or the way we handle everyone around us.  It is unfair not only to  us, but possibly to those that don't deserve that sort of treatment.

Usually, a woman scorned becomes heartless.
A bitch with no mercy.
A woman who is ready to chew up the next 10 men and spit them right out.
And somehow feel justified for her actions, simply because she was hurt before.

A man who has been deeply hurt will stop caring.
To the point that everyone who comes along will pay for those before them.
A womanizer, a soulless piece of shit.
A monster...
And somehow he feels justified because he was hurt before.

Readers, I've been plenty...... PLENTY... scorned in the past.
In the recent past... in the distant past... all over the place... with the past that doesn't seem to go away.... a past that decides to make its reappearances throughout the most "interesting" times of my life.
If I were to allow that to change me or the way I treat people, I don't know what kind of person I would be right now.

I don't regret a single moment of the things that I did for other people.
The way I've treated a single person in my life, no matter how much "damage" my own behavior has caused me.
I have so many emotional scars that began as early as the age of 7, with the absence of a man that was supposed to be the one I held on a pedestal... a man who still manages to disappoint me time after time...  to the most recent moron who conned me into thinking he was halfway decent only to find out he was engaged to someone else.

I would be lying if I didn't say that I don't second guess every single move I make in regards to other people.  New people.  People I genuinely care about and somehow know are full of good.

One harsh lesson that I highly remind myself of daily, is that INSTINCT is EVERYTHING.
If any part of your being is telling you to run away as far as you can right off the bat because someone is NO GOOD, then RUN.
Don't waste your time giving that person a chance.  Don't ignore the first 3-4 red flags waving at you from the sidelines telling you not to go any further.
Not because you're in danger of feeling something good again, but because you're in danger of getting all kinds of screwed.

I've learned to distinguish between my fears of getting hurt, and my fear of opening up.
I may still be extra cautious and hesitant, but I'm now aware of my actions.
Because they are NOT one in the same.

Somehow knowing that the person that has magnetized you from day one has something to offer you, no matter how small is everything.
And distinguishing that individual from one that just doesn't quite fit.

My scars are a daily reminder of the people I don't want to become.
My scars are a part of who and what I am.
Who I've grown into.
And the pain that I've survived over and over again.
The one person I'm most proud of regardless of the obstacles thrown at me, left, right, sideways, over, under... all over.

I realize that to some I may be considered weak... for the choices I've made.
For how soft I've been with those I've cared so deeply for.
But damned if I give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.

I am strong because no matter what, I am still me, even with all of the scars inflicted on my being.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Pride: The Struggle

Unfinished Business

The Silver Lining