Focusing On Yourself

Over the past month, I've been feeling terrible.
I discovered some news that has made me a little more than unhappy and I'm sure some of you can tell by my posts.
I've continued to tend to my responsibilities and do the things that always must be done.  Because you can't allow certain life situations to destroy the small things you've built for yourself.  But I don't hurt any less.  And when I think I'm having a better day, I stare off into space, completely lose myself and next thing you know, there is the same pain that was there the day before.

How do you deal with disappointment, heartbreak, etc?
I deal with it the best way I know how.
I allow it to just do its damage on my own time.  I try my hardest not to let it affect anyone else and I just keep it moving.  "Keep it moving," by my definition may very well mean laying on the couch all day... but what I'm trying to say is that tomorrow is always another day and if I have plans or responsibilities I go ahead and tend to those. If there's something I've wanted to do even before the fact or situation went sour, I still do what I can to just do those things.

Over the past couple of years... straight after the "lowest of them all" I made a couple of changes in my life.  I went after things I wanted to do just for the hell of it.
I just threw myself out there, and to be honest, I really haven't stopped since.
When I really want to go somewhere I go.
When I really want something, I go after it.
I even went so far as quitting my job in December because while I'm unhappy right now, it really has NOTHING at all to do with being jobless.  Being jobless is a thorn in my side because I need money to survive but it was a CHOICE I've made and continue to make based on the fact that I do NOT want to be in the career I was in.  Point blank.
Through all of this, I dated a lot of people, I've met a lot of people and I've traveled here and there and like I said... I just go about my business.  If I stay home for days at a time, it's really by choice.  And if I go out, it's also by choice.

I lost a good million pounds 2 years ago... I've gained half of that back.. Guess what? I'm losing it again.  Slowly but surely.  I do what I must do to keep myself content even if momentarily regardless of all other going's on.

During this transformation, there is NOT one person who can say that I used them to get to where I am.  That I've taken advantage of them or their feelings.  That I've disrespected them or have been dishonest with them.  People generally don't like me because I'm TOO honest whether bluntly or sweetly.  Or because I'm over emotional (sometimes over dramatic and passionate).  But I have NEVER EVER dragged anyone into any drama that they weren't already a part of.  Hey, I'm flawed.  Taking someone down with me and my flaws, is not my thing.  I don't care how unhappy I feel at the moment if I care for you, I want to see you happy, content and/or satisfied.

So what I'm trying to say is this.
I'm ALL for focusing on ourselves for the greater good.
Because we can serve ourselves, our significant others, our children, our families better if we actively make attempts to improve upon our hiccups.
But I don't believe dragging other people or taking advantage of them is necessary to do that.
If someone feels the need to take people down with them or just take them down at all in any way shape or form or they just feel like they need to be uncaring, that to me makes that person selfish and malicious.
And more so, they've probably always had it in them to do so.

Now, along the way we make mistakes and we may hurt people we care about accidentally.
Not that it's okay but it's only human.
I do believe sometimes people simply just fuck up and everyone deserves at least one other chance.
And if they do well for a long period of time and maybe just mess up a lot less than the first time, hey, maybe they get another chance after that.

I think we, as a people, and as a society have a responsibility to one another to be just a little mindful of one another.  You don't have to go out of your way to do so.  But you should be aware, at the very least, of those you care about or those you may potentially care about.   Rather than go all "cutt throat", take a step back and realize that maybe you're going beyond "focusing on yourself" by engaging in behaviors that are going to hurt everyone involved in the long run.  Unless you consciously make attempts to stop, then you're not really self improving, you are self sabotaging.

What's the point of all that if what your objective was to focus on yourself in order to achieve the things you want in life?  What will that end up serving you?

More importantly, we must not allow other people's actions or behaviors to change us as a person. If people can't appreciate us for who and what we are at the core, then we need to learn to walk away.  Wasting our time attempting to make someone miserable and anyone that resembles that someone simply because they are the same sex, race or creed, will only add to our own.  And isn't the entire point of focusing on ourselves, finding our very own personal legends, is to be HAPPY?


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