Love and Its Many Complications

I have fallen in love a total of two times in my life so far.
Yes. Only two.
I have loved others but to say that I fell for them... that would be a lie.

There was a difference.
I didn't see a future with them.. some not even the potential of a future with them and I knew I could live without them ultimately.
It didn't matter how much they hurt me, if at all, and that I was saddened deeply by their behavior.
Because the truth is, I'm highly emotional when I don't get my way.
Just being honest!
I wasn't in love with them and I couldn't see past today while I was with them...
Not really.
Nor did I want to.

When you're in love, you see a future, you see potential.  And while your logic knows you can certainly live without them as you did for so many years before they came along, your heart and soul can't fathom it.
There's not one day in your life that you can clearly imagine without them in it in some way.

When you fall in love with someone, you trust them until you have reason not to.  You believe all their words, no matter how ridiculous.  You wouldn't mind spending every waking moment with them.  Yet, have no problem giving them space (again, because you trust them).  Everything they do is forgivable.  And there's no doubt about ever giving them a second, third or fourth chance.  Because the sun shines out of their ass and that's that.  You may even look foolish to the vast majority of outsiders but who really cares? You're in love and that's all that matters and usually you've convinced yourself the other party loves you right back.  Or you're smart enough to know they don't, but none of that matters because your love is enough.  And will always be enough.

There's something else about those you fall in love with and those you simply love.
You choose who you love.
You don't choose who you fall in love with.

You don't remember the exact moment you fall in love with that person, but you sure remember the exact moment you realized that you were already there.  And that feeling bypasses any other.

Unfortunately... falling in love is complicated.
I have found that when falling in love... you usually fall in love with the wrong person... or according to others, you fall in love with them at the wrong time.
I don't really believe that falling in love has a "timing" factor in it.  I don't think it's all about timing because I feel like you're meant to bask in the bigger aspects in life in order to grow stronger.  And that regardless of the timing, if something is meant to be, it absolutely will be and if it's not, then it won't matter when it happens, it just isn't going to happen no matter what you do.

In my experience, I'm always alone in the feeling.
Or somehow end up there.
I can say that it's never something I regret.  I do enjoy the feeling of loving someone else even if the feeling is not returned.
What I don't appreciate is their taking advantage of my feelings when they're very much aware of where I am.  But that's a risk we take when getting involved with people generally.

What can I say... being in love is complicated and holding on to it, even more so.
And that's yet another difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone.
Loving people, caring for them... spreading love all over the place... that's easy.
Being in love... waiting patiently for the other party to feel the same... holding onto it and building on it...
That's probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.


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