You Can Do Better?!?!?

A while back, I went to visit a very close friend of mine because I needed to get away before I lost my mind.  For most of my time there, I managed to avoid the most obvious question and because this friend has known me for 20 years, I'm sure she knew better than to ask.

After a couple of glasses of wine, of course, I spilled the beans...
But even slightly teased by alcohol, I knew better than to go into detail... you know just the basic, "it just didn't work out but he was quite wonderful" tale......
The uglier details were for me, myself and I and will remain that way until the end of time.
Still she couldn't help but utter the most annoying 4 words I've ever heard in my entire life...

"You can do better."

She meant well and she always has, but you don't know how often I've heard this phrase.
I came back, not feeling refreshed, but I think I came back feeling worse about the situation for a little while.

At my age, I don't think people who have been in relationships for a better part of their lives can truly understand the struggle of being a single, independent woman in her early 30's.

Let me lay it out for you:

Ladies and gentlemen, I am 33.
I am single  --  been single the majority of my life.
I am educated -- and it was a huge accomplishment for me to just finish getting that tiny piece of paper.
I am funny  -- ask anyone.
I am smart -- ask anyone.
Did I mention independent  -- I have taken care of my damn self with no help from any man, partner, nothing, zilch, nada, and NO ONE can ever state differently.
I kinda love myself.  Really, I do.
Yes, I have my moments, doesn't everyone? but I'm pretty friggin' awesome and I really, truly could give a rat's ass what any one else thinks about me.  I'm way past that.  Have been since I was 26.

But guess what.
There are some very slim pickings out there and there ain't much "better" than what I've already "done," so to speak.

Yes, we can look back at some frogs and go... Oh God, she can in fact do better!!
But not every man I've ever dated has been as bad as the ones I've written about.
As a matter of fact, the ones that were almost... allllllmoooosssttt princes do not get their own features!

That's right! You read that correctly.
I have dated older men, younger men, educated men, non educated, highly intelligent, some below IQ, street smart, anal retentive, anal repulsive (Freudian terms)... light, dark, tan, white collar, blue collar, gray collared men! Christian, agnostic, spiritual, etc etc etc.

That doesn't change a damn thing.
I have even dated men that I was not initially attracted to, simply because I figured they had everything else going for them, that it would be unfair not to give them a chance.  Guess what?  They turned out to be frogs too and after that I have refused to settle for someone I simply am not attracted to.  
For what?

It's not a matter of "doing better."
We live in the year 2015.
Social networks are the bane of our existence.
We live in a time where loyalty, honesty and simply practicing decency is a thing of a history.

No one believes in monogamy.
No one believes in taking care of their side of the lawn anymore.
There's always prettier grass on the other side of that lawn.
There are always sooo many more flowers.
And even if chasing after those flowers means, missing out on those beautiful buds that bloom all year round, we convince ourselves that it's okay to keep searching because there are bound to be more, more and more.

It isn't until those annual flowers are entirely out of our reach, do we finally realize that we maybe should've stuck to our side of the lawn because the other side was really just filled with cheap, smelly fertilizer that only made that garden look pretty from afar.

People are so fixated on being liked and popular... gaining followers, fans, friends, that they disregard the work it takes to build something REAL and stick to the easy and superficial.  They simply don't want to do it.  It's easier to be superficial.   It's easier to be just like everyone else.  To claim to be different when in reality you're just going with the flow of being nothing more than mediocre because that's what going with the flow means. Being mediocre.

Only to be miserable later on and blame it on those they, themselves, chose.
The situations they've handpicked all on their own.

So my loves, while it may seem that this attractive, 33 year old, gem of a lady "can do better," it is unlikely I'll find much "better".  And it's not like I've done that bad.  I just haven't found the right one for me as yet.  And it's likely that I may never find the "right one for me."  That's just life! Can't do a damn thing about it.

But better?  Unless you're shipping me 40 year old, gorgeous billionaire with eyes only for me (and in truth if he's a billionaire who is loyal enough to only share his riches with me and ONLY me, he's allowed to have a tryst or several with other women...just sayin'!!)... then I suggest you coupled up folks out there stop telling  your less than fortunate single friends they "can do better" and refrain from handing out UNSOLICITED advice when you can't even recall what it felt like to be single 10-15 years ago.

If you MUST say something, be HONEST.
Perhaps, the more logical response for your sad little lonely friend would be, "One day you might find someone who can and who will be apt to tolerate as much of your shit as you do theirs.  And if not, look how far you've come on your own."

But trust that it's probably best you don't say anything at all...
ESPECIALLY, "You can do better..."






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