Foundations

I remember laying in bed with Mr. F one morning many years ago...
And I believe we were discussing relationships.
He had this interesting theory that I mostly agree holds true and applies to all relationships, familial and friendships included.

He said he views all relationships as a glass and that each time there is a conflict, whether it be an argument or even the whitest, smallest lie, the glass would crack, little by little.  The bigger the conflict or problem, the bigger the crack, until eventually the glass is completely shattered and irreparable.  (Ironically, the majority of our conflicts were caused by him but that's neither here nor there).

For him, once that glass was cracked, you could continue to move forward and tread carefully and try not to keep making indents... or you could walk away entirely.  However, I realize that he never mentioned anything about maintenance and repair.

Looking back at that conversation now, 11... almost 12 years later, I believe that the glass is reparable if you really want to repair it and keep it safe, but just like real glass you have to do it with care... cautiously... and try not to repeat the same mistake which caused the cracks to begin with.  I see the "glass" as more of a foundation in which to build on.  It is unrealistic to believe any relationship in life will go on flawlessly, without any cracks in the foundation.  But you have to WANT it badly enough to repair it, to maintain it, to continue to build on it.

These past couple of weeks, I believe that a friendship has finally become irreparable.  It's entirely shattered and I no longer have an interest in trying to repair, maintain or build upon it. It's always possible that my view will change in a couple of weeks, but as of right now, I'm throwing down the bricks, shovels and paint and letting them carry on with their lives so that I may do the same.

I will never, ever feign innocence at something I know I had hands in.  However, one thing we can both agree on is that their mistakes caused us to be here... where we are now... and that even after those mistakes, I tried to look past and continue to be who I am.  But no longer.  I cannot sit around taking any sort of abuse from anyone and allow them to continuously crack my own personal foundation so that they can feel better about themselves.  You may have the temporary power to make me feel pretty bad... but break me, you will never do.

I believe that when it comes to human interaction, both parties must want some part of the same thing in order to make it work.  Again, we can apply this to family and friends, not just romance.  Friendships are as much work as relationships are.  And it's not until you've fought tooth and nail to maintain that friendship that you can say that it's solid.  It's a connection you have to continuously maintain and contribute some part of yourself too just as in any relationship.

There have been quite a couple of glasses that have shattered throughout my life beyond repair and this was one of them.  What I wanted initially from them was simple enough.  They couldn't give me even that much.  So I settled for giving them what they wanted, however, the other party did not care enough to maintain their part.  They wanted me to be at their beck and call while they continued to ignore me when I needed them and omit information that would've been better off out in the open initially.  And even after that last argument, I realized that it no longer matters.  Because just hours later, everything went back to the same.  And their excuse is that their friendships with other people are less work so it should be the same with me.  Well, I'm extremely picky about my friendships, so what does that tell you.

I may be serving you a purpose, but at this point, you no longer serve me any.

My part of the fragile foundation we initially built on, is now gone, swept and thrown away and theirs is now sitting there unattended.

Mistakes repeated consistently are choices.
And when you do something knowing the conflict it may cause later on between you and the other person, and just brush it off with absolutely no consideration for yourself or anyone involved, then you really don't care what the result will be and if the foundation you've once attempted to build is worth maintaining.

All relationships - friends, family, romances, business -  require work.
You don't get off scott free if you want anything to last a lifetime.
Superficial relationships are like legos, they get torn down over and over again and rebuilt into something new with entirely new pieces.

Choose wisely.
Do you want something solid? Or would you prefer something flimsy and unreliable?

And with that all said, it's time to go back to nurturing and maintaining my own personal foundation (relationship) which I've neglected for far too long...

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