Stripped

Over the weekend, I went to a Zumba Jam Session.
It's a 3 hour session for licensed instructors, in which you re-learn a specific genre of dance fitness taught during their trainings... in this case, reggaeton.
I love attending jam sessions because as today's ZJ said, you get to completely strip down to the very basics... the very core of the rhythim...  and once those things are mastered, you can add your own flavor and see what works for you.

Isn't that something we can all apply to our every day lives?
When we encounter some sort of emotional or mental crisis, the best thing to do after the grief passes is to strip right down to the basics, re-learn the skills we were taught in our upbringing to adapt to change and cope with all life circumstances.

"Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem." ~ Virginia Satir 

My grief this time around has lingered a bit longer than the last time with the events that transpired with the Lowest of Them All.  The difference between that time with him and this time.. is that this time around I was caught by surprise.... that time not so much.  There are days I wake up and for a brief second I forget that it's July and that I need to snap out of this dense fog I'm in... the one that wishes it's still Summer 2014 and things were new and exciting....

Here I am again for the billionth time in my life.
Stripping down to the very base again.
Remembering where I was the last time I was here... although these circumstances are just a bit worse in that I have much less now than I did then.....
We all know when things get bad... they get really bad.
Now it's time to start all over again.

Picking up the pieces I still need... throwing out the parts I don't...
And hoping that this will be the last time I have to start pretty much everything all over again.

The trick to stripping down is to allow yourself to go through the motions.  Exhaust yourself with them so that regardless of whether those sad, angry and desperate feelings are there, you simply don't want to feel them anymore.  Your well of tears will never dry but pretending those feelings aren't there only allows for a bigger spontaneous break down later on.  Put all thoughts of the past away.  Even good memories at times cause grief.

"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." ~ Aeschylus 

Distancing yourself from those things that may trigger the worst of the feelings is the biggest obstacle.  You fight with yourself knowing you still want those things and there is pain in knowing they are no longer there.  But a reminder to yourself that they never were actually there will help push you forward.  A human/situational detox so to speak.  The illusion that something that was supposed to make you feel good was actually doing you harm in the long term.

And with that all said... yesterday was the first day I stripped down to the core.  Today is only the first full day I'm writing naked... stripped... and at the start line.


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