Brief Moments of Insanity

I don't quite remember the moment in which I gave up.
But somewhere along the way... that's what I did.
I gave up on my love life when I put myself in a situation in which the person I spent almost an entire year with couldn't even give me the minimum amount of respect or honesty.
I gave up on my career when I quit not one but three jobs back to back because I simply didn't want to do it anymore.
I gave up on my health when I decided that it was okay to eat junk food in order to replace real meals.

I gave up.
And I don't remember the instance in which I made all of these bad decisions and thought it was okay to carry on.

I reasoned with myself.
That everything would work itself out.
That I wanted all of these things and that somehow it would all magically come together.
But I allowed too many things to transpire.
Accountability.

I allowed things to happen that should have never ever happened.
Somewhere along the line I forgot who I was and I settled for so much les…

Today, as I was typing in a username into my IG search bar... a totally different person popped up than the one I was looking for.
A person I could not stand.  A person who I nearly let destroy me just about three years ago.
I guess I always knew he'd weasel his way into IG eventually.
His profile was public, so I quickly browsed through his 9 posts and proceeded to block him.
What I found funny was my lack of feeling towards him.

While I am sure I never want to have anything to do with this individual, ever again, I also feel that had he reached out, I would've been very nonchalant.

And trust me.. had I left him unblocked, he would've certainly reached out eventually.

Perhaps it's because I'm currently indifferent having had moved on... greatly.... after that hot mess.
But mostly I think it's that I just don't hold grudges.
I'm sure if I think about him too much, I'll find something about him that'll piss me off.
But truthfully... I don't …

I write sometimes to see if I can find strength in my own words.
Today is one of those times.

I woke up this morning to a message from the Manipulative Marine's ex-fiancee.
If you look through my Froggy Friday's you'll know who I'm referring to.
Anyway, it was a quick greeting and reminder of what happened very early last year.
The very young woman (I believe she is all of 19 years old) has recently gotten married to whom she believes to be the love of her life.
Regardless of my opinion on that matter, the truth is, I wish her nothing but well deserved happiness and prosperity.
A nice little reminder of a little something we both got through in a sense.

While some part of me is actually happy for someone else's happiness, today is one of my weaker..... not so happy days.
A day I feel exhausted for absolutely no reason other than this entire year has been... tiring.
Emotionally and mentally exhausting all around.

I try not to dwell on these days.
I look for things…