Indifference

Today, as I was typing in a username into my IG search bar... a totally different person popped up than the one I was looking for.
A person I could not stand.  A person who I nearly let destroy me just about three years ago.
I guess I always knew he'd weasel his way into IG eventually.
His profile was public, so I quickly browsed through his 9 posts and proceeded to block him.
What I found funny was my lack of feeling towards him.

While I am sure I never want to have anything to do with this individual, ever again, I also feel that had he reached out, I would've been very nonchalant.

And trust me.. had I left him unblocked, he would've certainly reached out eventually.

Perhaps it's because I'm currently indifferent having had moved on... greatly.... after that hot mess.
But mostly I think it's that I just don't hold grudges.
I'm sure if I think about him too much, I'll find something about him that'll piss me off.
But truthfully... I don't care enough to think about him at all.

I sometimes forget he exists.
Until someone we have in common asks me how he is... "Go find out yourself. I don't know, and I don't want to know." is usually my response.

I find that this happens with a lot of ex-friends and ex-lovers.
At some point, it really doesn't matter what they did to me.
I wish them well to an extent, but not enough to feel anything when I say that out loud.
"I wish you well." is mostly a polite statement.
Not one I actually feel.

It's interesting how one I once felt so strongly about I feel nothing for.
And what's more is finding that because I'm indifferent to this situation.... I've somehow discovered a small bit of hope.
From a situation I never thought I would ever recover from... and look... I have.

And here I am again.
An entirely different situation.
One which is taking me MUCH longer to recover from.
But knowing that soon enough, I will move on and hopefully one day look back and feel nothing for.

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