Indifference

Today, as I was typing in a username into my IG search bar... a totally different person popped up than the one I was looking for.
A person I could not stand.  A person who I nearly let destroy me just about three years ago.
I guess I always knew he'd weasel his way into IG eventually.
His profile was public, so I quickly browsed through his 9 posts and proceeded to block him.
What I found funny was my lack of feeling towards him.

While I am sure I never want to have anything to do with this individual, ever again, I also feel that had he reached out, I would've been very nonchalant.

And trust me.. had I left him unblocked, he would've certainly reached out eventually.

Perhaps it's because I'm currently indifferent having had moved on... greatly.... after that hot mess.
But mostly I think it's that I just don't hold grudges.
I'm sure if I think about him too much, I'll find something about him that'll piss me off.
But truthfully... I don't care enough to think about him at all.

I sometimes forget he exists.
Until someone we have in common asks me how he is... "Go find out yourself. I don't know, and I don't want to know." is usually my response.

I find that this happens with a lot of ex-friends and ex-lovers.
At some point, it really doesn't matter what they did to me.
I wish them well to an extent, but not enough to feel anything when I say that out loud.
"I wish you well." is mostly a polite statement.
Not one I actually feel.

It's interesting how one I once felt so strongly about I feel nothing for.
And what's more is finding that because I'm indifferent to this situation.... I've somehow discovered a small bit of hope.
From a situation I never thought I would ever recover from... and look... I have.

And here I am again.
An entirely different situation.
One which is taking me MUCH longer to recover from.
But knowing that soon enough, I will move on and hopefully one day look back and feel nothing for.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sex Sells, Own Up To It

Necessary Copulation

The Time is NOW