The Ex Misconception

There is a HUGE discrepancy in the way our potential and future mates envision what our ex's were like.

They assume that because a relationship ended badly, that the ENTIRE relationship or situation-ship was bad.  And so these newbies come into the picture saying things like, "Oh I'm super considerate, generous, etc.  You will find that I am nothing like anyone you've ever dated."

Negative!

Just because things ended badly, doesn't mean things were always bad.

Whatever and whoever my ex-whatever's were at their core, they didn't show me that side to them immediately.  It was when they began to show me how ugly they were (not all of them were ugly or bad people by the way), is when things began to deteriorate or ended immediately.

Just because the last situationship was involved with someone for an ex-amount of years, doesn't mean he was a total dick to me throughout our whatever you want to call it.  I reclal a time he brought me soup when I was sick.  Laid down with me when I wasn't feeling well, just because.  I mean, seriously, there were sweet personality traits that he portrayed himself to have, which is why it went on for nearly a year.  Mr. F was fun to hang out with.  We went on random weekend adventures, did random things, etc.  The Manipulative Marine was anxious to see me that first month we dated.  So much so he drove a couple of times a week from bumblefuck New Jersey to Queens just to chill with me, go out for dinner.  My ex of 3 years (who I don't believe I've ever officially given an alias lol) was somewhat generous.  We went out to eat all the time in his neighborhood, he bought me random things, helped me out, etc. etc.

No matter how things ended, they never began the same way.
Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt so much when things end.  We wouldn't miss them.  We wouldn't mourn.  We'd simply go on with our lives.

So when someone assumes that the dudes were straight up dicks the entire time, I have to wonder about the types of relationships they were involved in.  And if their previous mates were terrible to them from beginning to end, what does that say about them? What sort of mentality do they truly have?  Even if their ex's just portrayed themselves to be something they weren't in the beginning, they still can't deny that things were once good.  That something brought them in and kept them there for awhile, unless of course, they are mentally unstable and appreciate abuse.  Which is also a possibility.

But when I hear every single man I come across tell me that they are like "none other" I laugh in their face.  Everyone puts on a facade in the beginning.  They choose to show you their true colors or at least warn you about them initially or they don't.  They choose to be completely transparently honest or they don't.  It's up to us to decide whether to proceed with caution or take several steps back, turn around and run like the wind.

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