10 Lessons I Learned (Again) In 2015

2015... Thank you for re-teaching me some hard learned lessons.
To all of my loyal readers,  new and old, this one is for you.

1 - Love Yourself!!!! 

     Every time you find the slightest negative thing to say about yourself, replace it with a compliment.  We are all human beings and nothing more than that.  We are all perfectly imperfect and we need to stop being so hard on ourselves.  When it comes down to it, there's something amazing in all of us, and the least we can do is appreciate that something and magnify it.

2 - Stop People Pleasing!!!! 
     
     This is a lesson that took me 34 years to learn.  Whether it be friends or lovers, I have ALWAYS gone out of my way to make sure that the people I've held near and dear to my heart know that I care about them;  That I'm thinking about them; and that I am there for them.  But after the roughest year I've had in a very long time, and select individuals NEVER taking any time to contact me for anything other than how I can serve them, I realized it was time to stop.  I looked back and evaluated these superficial ties and woke up to the realization that these same individuals have never served me any purpose.  Some of these people I can honestly say, I haven't held a phone conversation with in nearly two years, others can't be bothered to say, "Hi how are you?" in a text without following up with a question on how I can do something for them. And so, I said... Burn bridges burn!! I stopped caring.  And I put myself first.  Because hitting #1 again on Loving Yourself... at the end of the day there's no one who will ever love you or be there for you MORE than you will.  And if you're a single adult, the only person you should be pleasing is your damn self.  Take that as you will.

3 - I'm Not Ready, MEANS I'm Not Ready!

     If someone tells you they are not ready for a relationship, then take what they say at face value.  Even if you see them engage in a relationship with someone else.  That doesn't matter.  Even if you think they just need time.  That doesn't matter.  Do not waste your time waiting around.  Do not cut off your other options.  I'm not ready, simply means I'm not ready.  Feel free to apply this to other situations as well.  I quit my job last December because it made me incredibly miserable.  It took me two months to even start looking for a job.  Why? Because I wasn't ready.  And although it was a huge struggle both financially, and emotionally, I had to do it.  Because I was NOT ready to go back to work.  And I was blessed and fortunate enough to find the perfect transitional job for me, exactly when I needed it and exactly when I was ready.

4 -  Nothing Lasts Forever.

     We are born, we eventually die.  We live, we learn, we move on.  Friends, lovers, family... people eventually move on in some form.  That pain that you feel in your heart today, will be gone a year from now.   There's not a damn thing that lasts forever.  And while true love lasts, it doesn't last in the same form.  True love evolves and changes into something else.  Good or bad.   So if it's good, enjoy every second of it and if it's bad... well... move on.


5 - Trust Your Instinct

     I've learned this the very hardest way ever.  If something FEELS weird, then it IS weird.  Do not drive yourself crazy trying to explain shit away.  There's nothing to explain away.  If it sounds like a possible scenario and it's bugging you at your core and you haven't been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia... or anything related to that... then it's safe to say, you should follow your gut.  Don't deny it. Don't question it. Don't smother those feelings.  They won't go away and that feeling will eat up at you until you end up self sabotaging yourself.

6 - Fear Nothing and Take Chances

     To piggy back off of #5..... Fear Nothing.  If something feels wrong, and you don't want to face it because you fear losing it, what you need to understand is that you probably never had it.   Is there something you've always wanted to do?  Then do it.  Take a chance.  You essentially have nothing to lose because again... nothing lasts forever!!! Go for the gold, do what you want as long as it's reasonably legal and live your fucking life.

7 - Manage Your Time Effectively. 

      Most people don’t care about your time, so long as they get whatever it is they need from you.  Therefore, use every second wisely and to your advantage.  People do not become successful by being lazy.   Utilize every single second you have and go for the gold. 

8 - Settling Down Does NOT Mean Settling!

     When people ask you why you're single, let them ponder that.  It's really not for you to explain to them that you don't want to live in a monotonous, loveless relationship with lacks passion.  While it may be a grueling, frustrating and lonely life being single at times... it is always much better to be alone then to be with someone who is not worth your time simply because you feel like you need to fit into societal norms.  Get right with yourself, and find someone right for you.

9 - Once a Frog, Always a Frog

     I don't write about all the frogs I've encountered because some frogs simply don't deserve that kind of fame.  I also tend to give frogs second chances if I don't think they're entirely malicious or if there's a chance that something can be adjusted.  Unfortunately, one thing I've relearned this year is, life is too short for second chances.  I know it sounds harsh, but once someone behaves in a certain manner that is a turn off for you, especially someone already passed the age of 30 (being that psychologically they are already set in their ways)... don't get your hopes up that they will change.  We settle in our ways around that time and that's pretty much it.  If the dude is a frog or the chick is an ogre, then that's who they'll remain.  

10 - Let Go.

      So a fellow writer and good friend of mine recommended a seminar to me about letting go and how to wrap up an open ended relationship that has no closure.  I'm very thankful to have attended.  I've finally learned how to let go.  I'm not saying it's been any easier but I've learned really helpful tricks and I can finally say i"m ready to let go of every single part of my past.  And I advise you all to do the same.  One reason we can't let go is because we find ourselves going over the same ugly parts of our previous relationships.  The trick is to replace the thoughts (repeatedly) with the GOOD memories. Because sure you have had good memories with those people if you blessed them with your time and presence, right?

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