Growing Pains

I wake up every day.
Get ready for work.
Commute through the trenches of Flushing, and the heart of Manhattan.
I arrive at work... deal with infants, toddlers,, small children and their students (ha! get it? I don't really work with adults. Just big kids with driver's licenses and the legal right to drive, smoke and drink.)
I manage an office, substitute classes, and somehow get pulled into the drama a staff consisting of only women is bound to have....
I sit down during my break, contemplate doing some home work or reading for pleasure and then decide to play games on my phone while blocking out the majority of the chit chatting surrounding me in a small space....
Finally, I leave work, either head to the gym or come home to deal with my "female head of household" duties....

And the next day?
I do it all over again.

Every single week day, I curse my younger self for rushing into adulthood.
I think back and wish I wouldn't have wished so hard to be grown.
Because here I am, having to tend to adult responsibilities.
Bills, work, graduate school, wifey stuff...
Who does this kind of shit? ALL at the same time at that!

Not to mention trying to maintain a healthy relationship with myself, my partner and struggling to figure out how I'm supposed to maintain my familial and friendly relationships all at the SAME time.
A struggle sometimes accompanied by the slightest feeling of guilt.

And you know what?
As stressful as it all is, and as painful at times... I couldn't be more satisfied.
Lord knows... (my mother and closest friends know too)... all of the battles and struggles I've endured just to get to this point.

These growing pains have made me, the strong, independent, and intelligent (yes, I said it), woman who's words you are reading right at this very moment.
I am lucky that I am who I am...
That I've reached this point and that I am where I am... what I am... how I am...

Who else can say they've endured what I've endured throughout my 34 years?
If only people knew the half of it.
Lucky, that even though I've gone through my journey alone, I've had massive support from my very few but very stable and loyal ones along the way.

Lucky, that my growing pains will one day become a mound of joy, contentment, satisfaction and appreciation in which I can look back and say, I'm happy and grateful that I'm HERE now because of A-B-C... and that there is no where else to go but up.

That every single one of those moments, those battles, those growing pains, lead me to where I am... to where I will be.


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