Yesterday

My mom passed away yesterday morning.  I didn't get to say goodbye. I haven't seen her since November & I kept telling her I'd try but in truth I never tried hard enough. I allowed my own abysmal depression to take over as is the norm. 

And as I write this, all I can think is, she'll never read another one of my crazy rants again. I'll never hear her voice again. I'll never feel her hugs or kisses. 

We'll never get to argue again about how stubborn either one of us is being. We'll never take another trip together, share a drink, pose for another photo..., 

She didn't get the chance to meet the love of my life. Or watch us get married one day....

I will never ever see her again.
I never thought this day would be so hard. Because she wasn't supposed to go so soon. 58 was just too young. Too sudden. I never thought I'd actually feel like an orphan at the age of 34.  

The feeling of loneliness you get after your biggest cheerleader has completely left your life... It's insane. She was the only consistent human being in my life regardless of how upset with me she got. She was always there. And I know she loved me and my siblings sooo very much... But did she know how much WE LOVE(d) HER? 

That woman saved my life. Not the way any mother typically saves their child. But she literally sacrificed everything in order to save my life. And I'll never be able to thank her. To repay her. To take care of her. To tell her just how much I love and appreciate her and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

And now I ask all of you reading this, to please take a minute and call your parents, guardians, siblings, cousins, partners... Call them. Hug them. Make sure you've done every single thing in your power to ensure that they know you care. Because you never know. Life is short and it's borrowed. 

You don't get to keep it forever. 

RIP to the very best person I've ever known. I was so lucky to have had you as a mother and a friend. Mom, you were so loyal, kind, so very selfless and generous and caring and loving. And you never once worried about yourself because your heart was just too big. I wish you would've been just selfish enough to have taken better care of yourself because you wouldn't let any of us do it for you. I will love you forever and always and your memory will live on in all of us. So many people loved you. I hope somehow you know that. I will miss you every second of every day for the rest of my life.





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