The Silver Lining
Upon brushing my hair yesterday morning, I found one very obvious silver hair sprouting from the very top of my scalp, shouting to be heard, "HERE I AM!!!!"
Immediately, I grabbed a pair of tweezers and yanked it right out. When I took a closer look at my head, I noticed there were several of those little suckers brushed neatly back. I felt defeated. There's no way I'm yanking all of these strands from my head.
It's not the first time I've seen what others call "grays" in there. I don't normally have a problem with it being that I look younger anyway. But I guess it's when reality struck. I'm almost 35.
So far my 30's have been quite an adventure, and in truth, I cannot complain. It's a beautiful thing. Hitting 31 was one of my biggest eye openers ever. I let go of more and more dead weight both figuratively and literally and I felt at my most confident all the way through 33. But somehow in there, I hit a huge speed bump.
I yearned for an impossible, tragic kind of love and what I got was one hell of a dud.
The worst kind really.
With that came weight gain, a depression that lingered for nearly a year and then the tragic and incredibly unexpected loss of my mother.
Well, looking in the mirror yesterday morning, I thought about how I'd been lucky to never have any obvious signs of aging up until now. I was never much of a drinker or smoker, so I managed to avoid wrinkles and sagging skin. I thought about my mom in her 30's and how absolutely stunning she was as her beautiful heart and soul radiated right on out. But I remembered also that it was in her later to mid 30's that she hit her own road block that lasted a good 14 years. Sure some good things came out of those 14 years, but it was a good waste of her time as well. That's another story though.
In thinking about these things, I had a moment when I said to myself that there is no way I can allow myself the same or a similar fate.
To be fair, I had that epiphany several times after July, but this time there was something that felt real about it.
Here I am on my millionth try to make my life worth living.
I never truly gave up on myself. I'm almost done with my graduate degree (with a 4.0 GPA by the way).... I have my very own place, shared with the best man a girl could find, and I don't have any serious complaints other than the obvious, a syndrome I like to call "mom-I-tis".
So what am I waiting for?
Immediately, I grabbed a pair of tweezers and yanked it right out. When I took a closer look at my head, I noticed there were several of those little suckers brushed neatly back. I felt defeated. There's no way I'm yanking all of these strands from my head.
It's not the first time I've seen what others call "grays" in there. I don't normally have a problem with it being that I look younger anyway. But I guess it's when reality struck. I'm almost 35.
So far my 30's have been quite an adventure, and in truth, I cannot complain. It's a beautiful thing. Hitting 31 was one of my biggest eye openers ever. I let go of more and more dead weight both figuratively and literally and I felt at my most confident all the way through 33. But somehow in there, I hit a huge speed bump.
I yearned for an impossible, tragic kind of love and what I got was one hell of a dud.
The worst kind really.
With that came weight gain, a depression that lingered for nearly a year and then the tragic and incredibly unexpected loss of my mother.
Well, looking in the mirror yesterday morning, I thought about how I'd been lucky to never have any obvious signs of aging up until now. I was never much of a drinker or smoker, so I managed to avoid wrinkles and sagging skin. I thought about my mom in her 30's and how absolutely stunning she was as her beautiful heart and soul radiated right on out. But I remembered also that it was in her later to mid 30's that she hit her own road block that lasted a good 14 years. Sure some good things came out of those 14 years, but it was a good waste of her time as well. That's another story though.
In thinking about these things, I had a moment when I said to myself that there is no way I can allow myself the same or a similar fate.
To be fair, I had that epiphany several times after July, but this time there was something that felt real about it.
Here I am on my millionth try to make my life worth living.
I never truly gave up on myself. I'm almost done with my graduate degree (with a 4.0 GPA by the way).... I have my very own place, shared with the best man a girl could find, and I don't have any serious complaints other than the obvious, a syndrome I like to call "mom-I-tis".
So what am I waiting for?
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