Brief Moments of Insanity

I let a piece of my soul get away from me the summer of 2015. Little did I know that life would take a nosedive from there. Oh, don't get me wrong, there were momentary highlights but none I was ready for. I told myself many years ago, that I would never allow any one person to make me feel lower than low.  But... I guess as you grow and learn and navigate through life, you sometimes get caught off guard by the most unexpected situations. He came disguised as a poor, lonely, misguided soul and truly he was the devil in disguise. With our mutual departures, and a ton of scars left behind in my mind, heart, body and soul, I attempted to feel normal again. Really, what I did was let myself go. To the point that I became unrecognizable to myself. I stopped caring about everything and everyone. I made an attempt to move on and try something new and different but because it was forced in more ways than one, it failed... I failed. Now here I am, starting all over again... n

There are certain points in life where you think you should be somewhere by that time but you're not.  Women in their late 20's thinking they should be married, everyone in their 30's thinking they should be at their most successful point in their careers... We set unrealistic time limits to our goals and dreams without understanding that life throws many unexpected curve balls along the way.   I fell stupidly in love when I was 21 and dropped out of college during my very final semester.  Not because my partner discouraged me from attending school (he indirectly did) but because I was afraid that if I didn't move quickly with him, that I would lose him. And there went my plans for the future.  People I know had children early on in life and ended up doing things backwards, leaving them in limbo in their careers and feeling that they were too old to follow through with the plans they set out for themselves, settling for mediocre lives. 

There's so much I want to get done right now that I have to remind myself that I have time. That there's no need to rush because time is an illusion that we are rewarded with. I really had to do this today as I started rushing through the next phase in my life and realized that no matter how anxious I feel, I have to do things right this time. In every single aspect. I've learned that rushing through my decisions only lands me in dire straights. One thing at a time. Start one project and then move on to the next once that's completed. It's harder to slow down when you're on your own in a sense. There's no real cushion to fall back on outside of reality. And staying focused is hard in a world of blur. But once you throw your glasses on and everything becomes a bit clearer, it's easier to get things done the right way. You just have to slow down.