Strengthen & Grow OR Move On
I was having a conversation with someone the other day about what happens after a couple of weeks or months into a relationship and why.
We were talking about how some of the anticipation and excitement normally die down as people kind of settle into their roles.
Does anyone ever feel somewhat disappointed after this happens?
Ever think about what it is that makes this happen?
People get way too comfortable and secure.
People stop doing the things they did to get the other person to fall for them.
And they just chill thinking it's okay to completely fall off.
Things become boring and routine sometimes and predictable.
Those phone calls or texts you received regularly stop.
Instead of hearing from them every morning, you hear from them whenever they seem to have time for you.
And then conflict comes into play with explanations about how busy they suddenly become even though the first two weeks, they never seemed all that busy.
And if you're "always just so busy" then wouldn't you have been way too busy those first two weeks as well?
People become inconsistent and (hopefully) unintentionally inconsiderate of the other party's feelings.
And then next thing you know, you feel annoyance, irritation, sadness.... because the relationship is just not going the way you thought it would....
I remember the first Valentine's I spent with my last ex.
He bought me this beautiful Roman sculpture of the gods in an embrace.
He actually put thought into the gift and understood my appreciation for Roman and Greek mythology as well as considering my spiritual side.
Want to know what I got the following Valentine's day?
A mug, a Harley Quinn key chain and a Harley Quinn bottle opener.
Because I like coffee? And because Harley Quinn was my favorite comic book character? (she's NOT btw... a year later and he seemed not to have known that Catwoman was my favorite comic book character even though I have at least 10 t-shirts with different versions of her imprinted on them).
It was clear that the feelings just weren't there any more.
Needless to say, in looking back, I did nothing to try to keep his feelings there (and it was mutual), and that's why we scratched by making it to a little over a year... and only because we really struggled not to have another "failure" but not because we still loved or even lusted for one another... because we simply didn't.
It's even fair to say we never truly were in love anyway and never put any work into trying to really make our love strengthen and/or grow.
It's a shame.
In order to be successful in any aspect of life, you need to put in some kind of work.
It should never be difficult if you truly care about the other person, to simply make them feel wanted or loved.
If it feels difficult, then it's probably not meant to be.
It's important to look back and think of those things and those moments that made that other person fall and vice versa.
It should be easy to simply show a small gesture of love..
A message, a card, just a simple note... a hug.... a kiss... a look....a deep conversation about life... a superficial conversation about a tv show... undivided attention for just a couple of mins, hours... just something, anything that shows interest for one another.
Consistency in making sure that there's still some fire... some flame.. some chemistry...
Not just in lust, but in love and appreciation for one another.
Once you allow things to become monotonous... and you simply don't care enough to try...
That's when you know it's not even worth prolonging.
Just move on and give the other person a chance to find that consistency with someone else.
I am clearly no expert in the field of love and relationships, but I am, unfortunately, an expert in disappointments and let downs and I can say that it's easier to let go right away then to prolong something that doesn't even have a chance.
If you can't consider someone else's feelings, consider your own. Because at the end of the day, it affects you too.
It's your time wasted as well.
Better 10 weeks, then 10 years...