We Owe Them Nothing

Last night, I had a short and interesting conversation with a relative about a situation they're going through with an ex.

Rather than put her business out there, instead, I'm going to hone in on the advice I gave her and that I shared with someone else I deeply care about recently as well.

In this game of love and war, people come out bruised, hurt, emotionally and sometimes even physically scarred from the trauma of simply trying to meet on the same page with these people we fall into relationships with.  We share vital parts of our lives with them, including inter-familial struggles, financial hardships, and all of the ups and downs we encounter throughout.  When it ends, we have to figure out a way to navigate without these people who were once such an important part of our life.  It's simply what happens.

After we've dealt with our hurt and pain, the barriers present themselves when we still have some sort of emotional or physical tie to them...such as a child or a deep shared experience.
Because of these ties, we find this need to try to hold on to some sort of friendship.
We forget that in doing so, this is a choice, and that we owe these people nothing.

Our obligations to them as a partner, lover, and even as that friend we're choosing to be, are completely over.

We OWE these people NOTHING.
Yet, this becomes lost because we are so used to giving these people some important part of us, that we still think we have to give, give, give.
If we're conflict avoiders', forget about it!
We definitely want to give them everything they want in order to keep their mouths shut and to keep things as peaceful and "friendly" as possible.
We forget the actual REASONS that we ended our relationships with these people.
And in so doing this, we end up sacrificing some part of ourselves... we sacrifice our time, our energy, our SANITY to please these people and avoid their anger.. the same anger that pushed us away... their hysterics.. the same hysterics that brought us to the end... we sacrifice MORE of what we've already sacrificed of ourselves throughout the duration of the relationship we once had with them and we OWE them NOTHING.
We owe them nothing because we've already made these same sacrifices and they've still brought us right here, to the end.
So why continue to engage in something that serves no one?

And so it's CRUCIAL... absolutely beyond a doubt... CRITICAL that we hold on to the reasons we are no longer with these people...
It is FUNDAMENTAL to take care of our needs well before THEIRS, because we are no longer indebted to them in any way.
We must grasp the understanding that because we no longer have any servitude towards them.. that we don't need to listen to anything they say, we no longer need to engage in disagreements with them and we no longer have to deal with them.  We CHOOSE to deal with them for whatever other reasons, we CHOOSE to do so as politely as possible but we OWE them absolutely NOTHING.

And until we start to realize, and understand that our only purpose is to better ourselves, our mental states, our livelihoods, we will remain in this figurative cycle of slavery in which we're constantly worried about their needs when the ONLY needs we need to attend to are our own.  Because we can serve no purpose to anyone else until we've served our own.

Our presence in their life is a choice and we can choose to cut that off at any point and time.


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