Froggy Fridays: Froggy Friends and Family

I have been absent because I've had so much going on in my life - 90% AMAZING with a splash of 10% challenging - that while I've had TONS to write about, I couldn't just focus on one thing. That doesn't mean that I don't get annoyed once in a blue and the following is a rant about that...

Over the past week, I've had one common theme in my head and I feel like addressing it today.

When my mom died... dropped dead unexpectedly... croaked in her very own backyard that she was sooo desperately trying to sell that it ultimately did her in... so very tragically... my older sister and I not only took on a bulk of responsibilities we didn't expect, but we also encountered some truly eye opening moments.

Since that terrible and consistently hurtful event took place, she has pretty much stopped dealing with everyone around her - both familial and community.  Meaning, right now.. me, my brother and my grandmother are the only relatives she talks to and out of all of those, I'm the only one she trusts and feels close to.   And to be absolutely transparent, it's the same for me.  Except, that SHE is the ONLY relative I feel close to right now.  And it really doesn't take a scientist or a mathematician to figure out why.

When my mom passed, I had relatives that swore they "loved me oh so much! Ohhhh poor Tracy! How tragic! Is there anything I can do," stay on the sidelines and ASK me if I NEEDED them to come for my mom's service.  At the time, I was really so distraught, that while the idiotic question was presented to me... a question that should have never been asked.... that I just shrugged it off, like it's ok, you don't have to.  When the actual day came and I had a high school friend I rarely see, coworkers I don't talk to often but have a strong bond with show up without a hesitation, my eyes and my soul opened wide to the hypocrisy of what people claim to be to me.

We even had an honorary family member show up daily with food to bring us whatever comfort she could.

When your "close" relative has a tragedy in their family, you simply SHOW UP! You don't ask.  You don't send prayers from afar.  You show the fuck up.  It's that simple. Because if the tables were turned, I WOULD HAVE SHOWN UP! Just like I've shown up to every other grand event in YOUR lives.  And the more time passes, the more I not only stress to myself but to some of my newer friends that we cannot expect the same behavior from other people that we would exhibit towards them. And that sometimes, no matter who those people are to you, you have to just let them go or let them drift away.  Because if they can't be there for you when you OBVIOUSLY need them, then they're nothing to you in the long run. And that's also to be said about when amazingly beautiful events occur in life as well!

Of course, there was one close relative who straight up told me, I would be there right now if it weren't because I'm on bed rest and THAT meant more to me then any prayers or positive vibes those who SHOULD HAVE been there, could have sent me. And let's not get into those who claimed to keep calling me, but hadn't actually called me once.... because even in my high distress, I answered and returned every single call just to get that comfort.  I mean, I lost my MOTHER, the only consistent person in my life.

Why am I writing about this now? Well, her anniversary was last week... and this past weekend I had to take a trip upstate for a project I'm working on.  There are a handful of people that know about what I'm doing - it's not because I'm a private person - I mean, I'm not posting the actual task all over social media - but what I'm saying is.. if we communicated on a regular basis, you'd know what I'm working on.  Especially since I've been working on this "project" for nearly a year.  See, I don't feel like I need to volunteer information to anyone just because they're "too busy" with their bullshit to hit me up from time to time to see how I am as a "close" relative or "close" friend is bound to do. You are only ever too busy for those you have no true interest in.  I highly believe that.  When there are people sending me questions about what I'm doing, I just don't care enough to explain to them that I'm doing something that will not only enhance me personally and professionally but that they in the long run could give two shits about.

Having children or your own family is not an EXCUSE to basically ignore the people who were always there for you and treat them like wayward friends.  Especially, when that family is also their family.  It is absolutely disgusting and despicable to me, when people use the excuse of having to tend to their family or being involved in a relationship as the reason for them losing connections with those around them.  Because - again - I SHOW UP. And if I STOP showing up, there is a reason behind that and instead of acting clueless or insulting me by telling me to put my "big girl panties" on and confronting you about why I chose NOT to show up - you should really take a moment to think about WHY I wouldn't show up when I've NEVER let you down before. You might figure that out faster than the time it takes you to brew over my unexpected absence and show off your own toddler panties with your own ignorant and stupid rant.

Finally, just because I don't have children, doesn't mean I'm not busy and that I'm not making moves of my own.  We don't all have the same goals and dreams.  I keep myself busy intentionally so I can see myself accomplish the things in life that I've always dreamed of.  And still through it all, I manage to MAKE time for those I care about. AND I include YOUR children/families into that time I make for YOU. 

So while many of you who have read my Froggy Friday posts about the men I or my friends have encountered, today, I wanted to show you that there are many frogs amongst your own family and friends too.  Do not waste time investing in those who don't invest in you.  Most importantly, do not allow yourself to feel guilty about allowing yourself to drift away from those who no longer seem to care.  Because as Dr. Seuss once famously wrote, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind!"

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