Gaslighters And the Scars They Leave Behind

I've steered clear of writing anything for awhile because most of what I have to write is either, way too negative and blaming or just a repeat of past posts.

The theme of the last couple of months, however, has been gaslighting.

For those of you who don't know what the means:

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can make a person question their own sanity.

Sound familiar?

Our current President is a prime example of someone who gaslights.
He's said things in the past, and if we hadn't an actual written record of the nonsense that's spewed out of mouth and fingertips, many of us would be questioning if he'd really said the things he's said.

In fact, there are a slew of President Cheese Doodle's followers out there that have actually seen the proof and still deny he's made the comments or said the things he's said.  There are women that don't believe his comment about grabbing women by the p*ssy is offensive.

Those followers may not be questioning their sanity at the moment, but they will!
I mean, he makes me question mine daily just reading the news and seeing that he's still there.
That's gaslighting if I've ever seen it!

Gaslighting is a common practice in emotionally abusive relationships.

When I was 21 involved with a man 12 years my senior.... I had NO idea of this concept.
I was incredibly naive in love, even if I was book smart.
Romance, love, sex were all things I knew next to nothing about.
At the time though, I swore I was incredibly smart! Boy was I mistaken.
Relationships I had no clue about!
I was sad and pathetic in that world and I am not afraid to admit it because the last 13 years in NYC really opened my eyes to the fuckery.
I had next to NO experience.  The closest thing I had to a relationship prior to that, was a year with a dude for the sake of having a boyfriend and nothing more.
That first relationship was simply a joke and we both laugh about that to this day!

Someone who gaslights, makes you believe that the things they've done to you are YOUR fault.

Have you ever had an argument where someone wronged you and by the end of the argument you're apologizing for what they did or for how they made you feel which is what ignited the argument in the first place?

This man was a master at that.
Talk about questioning my own sanity...

There was a point in that twisted relationship in which, we made the decision to move to a whole other state together, I quit my job, school, and left my family to make him happy because somehow I was sure it would work.  Little did I know, he had ulterior motives, had been sleeping with his ex wife and had intentions of having her move down there with their children at some point. They'd worked out some twisted deal at my expense.

By that time, he maxed out and ruined my credit and I kid you not, to this day, he still has not taken an inch of responsibility.
His wife's tires, his furniture, all kinds of things were maxed out passed the limit and then some...
He even went so far once after the fact to tell me that it was my fault he didn't pay my credit card back because he bought me an engagement ring (that I never saw, received, touched and probably didn't even exist) and that I ruined it by being emotional about his sleeping with and living with his ex wife and countless other women.

I mean, I can't make this shit up.

I'm sure I am certainly the villain in his story.
Believe it or not, as bad as that situation is... he's still not the worst villain in my story.

This was the kind of man that twisted all things around that he did and made it seem like it was all me.
I remember, the day before we started to drive down for our move, my mom (may she rest in peace), told us both to treat each other well.  And she made a point to say that domestic violence also includes emotional abuse and that we should speak to each other kindly, etc.

Only a day or two after we were in Florida, he had not only kicked me out of the house we chose to live in together, he used my mother's words against me and called me emotionally abusive.
I blamed myself for so long for the loss of that relationship, for being overly emotional that it carried into other relationships.  Not only with men, but also with friends, family.........

It took years before I found myself in a similar situation with another gaslighter, but that didn't last more than a couple of months before I noticed what was going on.

Gaslighting is an act that can leave you feeling hopeless, ruin whatever self esteem you had and can add to your anxieties.  It's also an act that can occur between friends and family members. It can make you weary of well intentioned partners and friends and incredibly defensive.
If you're a possible victim of gaslighting, just be mindful and cautious of how you treat others, because you may unintentionally enter a cycle of abuse.

Anyone can gaslight you and it's important to look at the situation by stepping back and looking in from the outside.  How do you feel when you're around these people? Before and after? Do you feel anxious? Hopeless? Like anything you do won't be enough to keep them around? please them? satisfy them?

If your answers are always yes, you may be a victim of gaslighting!




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